My Body is a PRISON
by Justice Tokidoki
Summary: They look at my face and see my calm, blue eyes. My hair is as gravity-defying as ever, brown and light. I'm tall and sort of scrawny, and my smiles are really goofy. People are usually happy around me because of my optimistic outlook, and they respect me for what I've accomplished in my short time of existence. There's just one problem. I'm not Sora. Sequel to ALPkaS.
1. Journal Entry 1

**Here we go, the sequel is finally here!**

**Newcomers are welcome, though if you want to understand the characters' history I suggest you read A Little Problem known as SORA first.**

**Anyway, I can't express how grateful I am for all the support I received with these stories. I'm always looking for more ways to improve and I'm happy for the critiques everyone has given me throughout this journey.**

**Thanks again!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and this is the only time I'll say it.**

**Warnings: Though there may be kisses and various sentimental outbursts here and there, I'm leaving most of the pairings up for interpretation right now. If anything seems to pop up, it will mostly be onesided. Seriously though, don't worry about it. This story isn't really focused on romance anyway. Friendship plays a higher role...**

**Story is rated T for serious themes, violence, and some language.**

**Enjoy! And much thanks goes to Kanarah J for Betaing this chapter! **

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Journal Entry 1

Ah, I still feel groggy as all heck. How long does Sora need to sleep anyway? It's been fifteen hours and my eyes still want to shut the world away. Ugh!

It's the poison. I swear, Riku, if I wasn't so focused on fulfilling my new resolution, I would force myself out of bed...man, I'm getting lazy...

Alright, alright, enough of me whining. I'm writing for a purpose...so it's time to get started.

Ahem, so we will start with Axel since I met him first.

Name: Axel.

Height: about five heads taller, ugh! Okay, I don't know his exact height, but does it really matter? He's always been a freaking giant!

Other descriptions: Has wild, red hair that blasts out like a volcano. A twisted, deranged spurt of lava that can be blinding (sort of like Sora's hair, now that I think about it, but Axel's is worse). He has these green eyes...it's weird, sometimes they look really light, but when he gets angry they sort of darken, like they turn brown or something. Oh, and he's really skinny. I don't think he eats anything at all...except for ice cream of course.

Personality: Annoying as Hell with a capital H. He loves tormenting me and saying the most ridiculous one-liners...but at the same time, he also makes me think. He listens to me when I want to share a theory. Also, when I have questions he always knows the answer. So I guess in a sense...he's well-rounded?

Umm, what else...ah.

Okay, so he always gets me ice cream. I'm not sure if that's healthy or whatnot, but Axel always found a way to make it happen.

The Clock Tower in Twilight Town became our hang out. Most of our missions took place there (along with a bunch of other unpleasant stuff).

It's strange, I don't really think about this much but...if Axel hadn't talked to me and given me something else to do when we didn't have missions...I would have been completely lost.

Everything I know about living, about _being_, came from him. He was the one who explained friendship, love, sacrifice...is that something only a friend does? But I guess…with knowledge comes more questions. Like, how do you know what kind of love you're experiencing? Is it something that comes with family, friends, others? Are there different levels of love that we should differentiate?

Wow...I actually still have a lot of questions. Huh, but...Axel isn't here to answer them.

So what do I do? How can I even learn to function in life (in Sora's body, no less) if the person who taught me how to live isn't even around? How can I be..._anything_ if I don't even know where to start?

Now I'm shivering, seriously. I'm sweating like a maniac...ugh, maybe I should get more of that wacked up soup. I don't want to be awake right now...

Yeah, you know what? I'm ending it here. I don't feel like taking an emo trip today...Axel, he would say that. Emo trip...

Ergh, damn him!

Okay, okay...relax, Roxas. You're getting angry, and that's not fair. You're still grieving...I guess. Man, it all hurts.

Alright, how should I sign this so that I don't sound like a depressed freak?

Ummm, ah...okay, I hope this works.

From the boy who _wants_ to form a heart,

Roxas


	2. The Pieces are Set

**Chapter 1: The Pieces are Set...**

The air seemed to freeze upon their arrival, as if time had stopped.

The ground was barren and black. The buildings around her were lit with fluorescent lights. Blue, neon streaks of brightness hugged her pale skin as she looked up at the sky. It was dark save for the strange, opulent moon emitting soft rays of violet, orange, and purple.

"Kingdom Hearts," She whispered before the hand holding her arm tightened. She flinched at the force before turning to stare at the man in front of her. In this new, empty place with its grim atmosphere, she couldn't say she was surprised that this stranger's demeanor had changed as well.

"Silence," he muttered, and that was the end of it. However, he paused to stare at the moon too, his white hair flowing off his shoulders, though Kairi herself couldn't feel any wind blowing.

She decided to stay silent. After all, he had shown her the pendant. Either he had Sora or he knew where Sora was, and she would not rest until she found out what happened to her friend. With a determined outlook and optimism, she followed Xemnas. Her steps remained steady until the two of them reached a white castle, large and foreboding. She gulped, seeing how menacing it looked. The silence surrounding the place didn't do anything to quell the queasiness settling in her stomach.

Xemnas opened the main gate, gesturing for Kairi to walk inside. When she didn't move, he rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand again. "Are you having doubts?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No, I just didn't expect it to be so...quiet."

Xemnas grunted before opening the front door. "This world is nearly all but uninhabitable. There aren't many people here."

"I guessed as much." She tried her best to keep any ounce of sarcasm out of her response. She was starting to become impatient, but complaining wasn't going to bring Sora to her faster. _What if...what if he's not even there? _The thought struck her, nearly sending her feet in a tumble as she struggled to breathe.

"Something wrong?" Xemnas looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Nothing." She smiled weakly in his direction before walking straight. She could hear every footstep, every swish of Xemnas' long arms against his trailing coat as they reached a set of stairs. It unnerved her, the lack of sound, and she felt like screaming just to see if it would echo in the dismal place.

She wondered, as they had reached the fifth floor, about so many things. Memories of Sora smiling and splashing water at her from afar came to mind. She remembered building that tree house together while Riku carried a flag around, shouting orders (as if he were really the boss). She remembered all the mud pie wars and Sora's goofy cooking mishaps (it turned out, lobsters and peanut butter didn't go well together).

She wiped her face, her hand wet and slimy. _It couldn't happen here, not in this place._

_There's no _life _here. _"He's not here, is he?" she asked before looking at Xemnas.

He didn't say anything. He only stared at her, then pushed her through another door, shattering her already cracking resolve.

The room they entered was dirty and full of soot. It reeked of blood, body odor, and some other sweet scent that didn't belong (A fruit perhaps?). Kairi gulped before heading unwillingly to the middle of the room.

There was a cell that was barred off to her right. She growled inwardly at herself. _Of course. How could I have been so stupid? _She continued to look around, gasping when she noticed two other figures in the corner. Saix's scowl and looming posture didn't matter, her eyes were glued to the young girl in front of him.

Namine.

Blue eyes met blue, and Kairi could feel something snap in her chest. Then the moment was broken, and she watched as Namine ran towards her, evading Saix's hands, eyes never leaving Kairi's face. The intensity of the gaze would have frightened Kairi, but she couldn't react, couldn't move away.

Instead, Kairi opened her arms, letting the frail girl wrap her arms around her chest so tightly that her spine was protesting within seconds. Namine pressed her forehead into the crook of her neck, breathing deeply.

_How strange, why is she hugging me? Am I...supposed to be doing something? _Kairi grimaced as she felt herself bombarded with questions from left and right in her head. Finally, she simply settled on returning the hug. She almost gasped as the Namine's cold skin met her arms. _She's so thin...what happened to her?_

Kairi flinched as Namine spoke, "Please take me away..."

Kairi frowned, confusion the dominant expression on her face. "What? I..I don't understand..." The grip around her waist constricted and Kairi choked as the force knocked the wind out of her.

Namine was shaking, unaware of the pain she caused. "Take me away, please! I don't want to be here anymore!" Her protests turned into pleas as she gripped Kairi tighter.

_What is she doing? She's going to kill me! _Kairi groaned before pushing Namine away. "Let go of me!" The moment the words left her mouth a sharp stabbing sensation entered her chest and she yelped, trying to distance herself from the special Nobody. Each step brought more pain. Tears came next, and she fell to the ground less than five feet from Namine.

Namine looked betrayed, staring at Kairi with withering eyes. "Please...help me..."

Kairi tried to back away but the pain was too much. "I dont..don't even know you..." It was a stupid excuse, she knew that. But her mind was being overridden by instinct. She didn't even protest when Saix pulled her by the arm, throwing her in the cell. He chained her to the wall before going back and getting Namine, strapping her to the opposite side.

Xemnas watched all of this with a bored expression on his face before calling Saix over. "That was a little close for comfort. Make sure they don't merge," He said before walking away, leaving a wary Nobody to watch over two hysterical girls. Saix sighed before glaring at Namine and sitting in the corner, waving a small knife in the air.

xxXXXXxxXXxxx

"...so, as I said before, we'll create a front here before forcing them out through the back." A tall man wearing a leather jacket, threadbare jeans, and combat boots turned towards the group, his brown hair rushing over his eyes momentarily as he glared at everyone. "Are we clear?"

They were all standing in a semi-circle, surrounding Yen Sid's meager desk in comparison. Riku raised a hand before speaking, "Pardon me, but wouldn't it just be easier to barge in?" He justified his admittedly rash suggestion with logic. "We only have two targets. Even if they're more powerful in the couple days that have passed, we should be able to infiltrate the castle without much problem."

A cheerful looking girl dressed in black from head to toe with a black hair-band to boot, jumped in agreement. "I'm with the kid, Squall!"

'Squall' sent her a sour look, muttering, "It's Leon." Riku simply looked offended for being called a kid. After all, he was sure that he was older than Yuffie by a few years.

She in turn winked at Riku before addressing her main victim. "Right, we got the memo. Anyway, I think Riku's plan has its merits. We're only going against two dull bimbos. What's the worst that could happen?"

A tall blonde man shrugged, the hilt of his sword peeking out from above his shoulders. Out of everyone there, he had spoken the least. "They escape. Or we lose a member..."

"You have to take this seriously, Yuffie. This isn't just some vigilante exercise. We're forming a rescue party here," Merlin said, his wizard cap drooping slightly as he regarded the girl with a soft scolding.

Even though there were only a couple of reinforcements, the sheer number of voices was starting to give Riku a headache. It wasn't that he was ungrateful for everyone's support. They were coming to risk their lives for Namine, he couldn't forget that.

Still, there was a part of him that wanted to get the mission over with. He hated the look Sora was giving him every time he came to give him his 'soup.' _I may have to force feed him if this keeps up. It only lasts for a day, barely that. And he's been getting more aware every time he wakes up...his body must be becoming immune to the sleep serum._

"Riku? Hey, you okay?" Mickey nudged his friend with a slight shove to his shoulders, eyes flashing with worry.

Riku blinked, turning his head to look at him. "Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something..."

He coughed as someone shoved him from behind, a supposedly _light _pat on the back by Yuffie's standards. Her voice nearly split his ears. "Chillax, pal! You're worried about Sora, right?"

"Hehn.." was all he could get out before glaring at her.

She gave him an apologetic smile before stepping in front of him. "Don't worry, this is Sora we're talking about," she said.

Riku sighed, "I know. But...he's sort of different now..."

"Hmm?"

Leon made an exasperated sound before pointing at Mickey's map of Xemnas' castle. "Not to be rude, but we really need to finish this. Our attack will commence in about two hours. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page."

Yuffie rolled her eyes before giving Riku an encouraging back pat. She then calmly walked over to Leon, smirking, "Right. I think we're all set. We've handled cases like this before, remember Squall?"

He didn't correct her this time, though there was the visible tightening of his jaw to show the world what he thought of her comment. "This isn't a game, Yuffie."

"I know, but this isn't a death march either. We outnumber them, we're stronger...there's nothing wrong with exuding a little confidence." Her smirk turned into a sad smile as her eyes softened. "Sora understood this..."

Everyone grew quiet at the mention of Sora. Riku repressed a groan before stretching. _Right, he was really good at that..._

Mickey stood up, his eyes piercing. "Well, fellas. I think we're ready. Remember, this mission is solely for rescuing Namine. I know how much some of you may want take down Xemnas," His hands clenched at this, and Riku knew at that moment that the mouse king felt the same way he did about the Organization. "But now is not the time. We all know what Namine looks like, so if any of you spot her, make the signal. Cid is helping Merlin make sound chips that we can use to communicate with each other. Once that's done, I'll bring out my Gummi Ship."

Everyone nodded, new energy alighting the previously grim atmosphere.

Yen Sid himself was watching from his desk, arms crossed in annoyance. "I urge you all to carefully keep track of the conditions of your own hearts. As I have said before, Namine is unstable. You had best make sure you have a grasp of the difference between truth and fiction before you go on your journey," he stated bluntly, his eyes lingering over Riku.

Everyone nodded while Riku simply looked down, clutching his Keyblade. _Right, keep your heart strong. For yourself, for Kairi, for Namine..._

_For Sora._

xxXXXXXxXXXxxxx

_We're so close, so very close to fulfilling our dreams._

_So close, but **he** still stands in the way. _"Sora." Xemnas held Sora's pendant up high, high enough for the moon's rays to sparkle through the lone silver metal molded into a crown at the base of it. "How strange that a young boy could have the power to unlock what he chooses to keep hidden."

He clenched the necklace, nearly breaking the precious metal. "Or is it just ignorance that blinds you?" He chuckled flatly. "Well, I shall make you see sense soon. All the pieces are set. You may have destroyed my army...but we have two hearts you can't live without."

He let the necklace drop, watching it fall and hit the dirt. It shimmered slightly as the metal started to erode, turning into a ghastly, dark purple. "Man is commonly held back by their own nature. Your heart is simply too bright to leave your friends here...and that is why you, in the end, will lose."

He walked away just as a purple film of light formed a sphere around the castle. Thorns sprouted from the ground, encircling the crude dome in angry pitchforks. The ground around the area started to shrivel up, killing any plant life that had been lucky to grow near the castle.

In five short minutes the castle had been transformed into a mighty, untouchable fortress. A short burst of light covered the surface of the dome, showcasing a crown shaped symbol. It then disappeared as the entire light within the dark sphere went from a pale blue to a lavender shade.

Xemnas nodded, smiling grimly as he felt the air around him pulse before entering his chambers.

xxxXXXXXxxXXXxxxx

Journal Entry 2

Okay, I've had it. There's only so much a guy is going to take, and Riku is really close to pushing it. I've been very patient with him, but he just...oh, he is going to get a beating when I get out of this stupid bed! I don't care anymore!

I mean, what is he thinking? How is this going to make me better? Sleeping all the time, barely awake enough to eat. Sheesh, if he wanted me out of the battle so bad he could have told me!

Ugh, and this isn't even supposed to be about him! Man, it is way too easy to get sidetracked...

Huh, sidetracked...Sora actually got sidetracked very easily too. No! I don't want to turn into him!

Oh, wait a minute. Actually, that statement was false. I kind of do if I was willing to merge back with him in the first place. Hmmm, well that was hypocritical of me. Alright, time to focus then.

I will now write about Xion.

Okay, pencil do your stuff!

...

...

...

Dammit.

...

...

...

I suck. I seriously can't remember anything about her. Ergh, how did I even remember her name then? Man, writing is hard.

It's because I'm still tired, right? This must be some sort of sick joke. I hope you're happy Riku, I hope you're really happy. And Sora calls you his best friend? Well, you have been demo-

Ah, my hand it's...moving on its own again. Strange...that usually doesn't happen until about three in the afternoon when 'Sora' has to stretch, apparently. His body follows schedules perfectly, I swear it's like your own personal alarm clock...without the waking aspect.

Oooh, look! I'm grabbing the pencil and I'm writing! This is sweet! You decided to help me for once, Sora. I say this is-

**Stop talking.**

Whoa, oh god! I didn't write that, I swear! And it's red! Darn, what is this?

**Seriously, stop talking! Sheesh, I didn't think you would be as bad as him.**

This isn't happening. Words are appearing on the paper. I'm going insane. Yes, that's it. Oh, woe is me!

**Oh brother. Roxas, it's me!**

Who?

**SORA! I'm Sora! Who else would I be?**

This is really trippy, ugh! Okay, um...ah ha! Interrogation!

**For the love of all that is light! Would you stop talking-ergh, writing...whatever you're doing right now. Just stop, okay?**

Not until you tell me what's going on, man! If you needed a body double you should have asked first!

**Ugh, we're wasting time. You're going to fall asleep soon...darn it! I knew I came too late...**

What? Oh no, no, no, no. No! You are not leaving until you answer me, Sora! I have had it with you!

**What are you going to do about it, huh? Gonna pummel me to death? Beat my brains out? HUH? Go ahead and try, idiot! Well, come on! Throw a punch at me!**

**...oh, wait a minute. That's right, you can't. **

Oh wow, I can...I can actually hear you laughing in my head. Alright, that's it! I'm gonna...gonna... Oh no.

**Oh yes. You're feeling sleepy, aren't ya?**

No...can't...not now? Not...now...can't keep...eyes...open.

**Sleep well, man. You need it, seriously. Oh, and one more thing.**

...w..what?

**I'm sorry.**

End of Journal Entry

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**Author's Note: Yep, things are moving along now. Oh, and much thanks goes to Kanarah J again for betaing this chapter. **


	3. Missing Component

**Chapter 2: Missing Component**

Riku opened his eyes, blinking as ash filtered in and out of his sight. The sky seemed darker than he remembered, a sharp contrast to the heart-shaped behemoth above. The moon rarely ever brought him comfort, but standing in the presence of Kingdom Hearts was enough to damper anyone's spirits.

So bright, full of the innocent hearts of millions. How many people died to accomplish this? How many more will lose their souls to complete the dreams of a mad man?

Riku gripped his Keyblade tightly, fingers white from the strain. _Not anymore. I won't let you hurt anyone else, Xemnas._

Riku's eyes popped open with a jolt as an unfamiliar hand tapped his shoulder. He turned, Keyblade up and body posed, eyes livid. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was the same blond man from the meeting. "Cloud?" Riku gulped, embarrassed at his own reaction.

Cloud shrugged before turning his head, angling his neck away from the weapon that had been five inches away from cutting his jugular. "Sharp instincts, good form, quick reactions," Cloud muttered, closing his eyes and crossing his arms.

"Excuse me?" Riku lowered his blade, looking a little shaken. _I nearly kill him and that's his response?_

"Your aim needs a little work though. Also, if I were you I wouldn't try anything like that against a taller opponent." Cloud turned to the side, staring out the window. "When we enter the field Xemnas will throw everything at us, so make sure you're prepared for that."

Riku didn't know if he should apologize for his previous actions or accept the advice. "I . . . I'm ready. I've been training ever since I first landed at Yen Sid's Tower."

There was a beat of silence before Cloud practically stabbed Riku with his gaze. His mouth was turned down in a frown while his shoulders lifted, as if the man had been slouching and was now standing at his full height. Riku resisted the urge to flinch back as Cloud walked toward him, voice low and precise. "Physically, you're prepared. We all are," Cloud paused, staring at Riku. With one hand, he pointed at Riku's forehead. "But none of that matters, all that effort is wasted if you can't keep it together up here."

Normally, Riku would have been annoyed at the touching, but coming from Cloud, whose sword was literally as tall as Riku himself, it seemed best to ignore the invasion of space. Swallowing loudly, Riku nodded, "Yes. I'm ready."

Cloud sighed and shrugged, moving past him. "We'll be landing in five minutes. Mickey has a communicator for you."

"Right."

Cloud hesitated, standing in the middle of the hallway with clenched fists. He seemed to be hesitating. "Riku . . . "

"Yeah?" Riku withdrew his blade completely, rubbing the ends of his palms before lifting his head to take in his companion's next words.

Cloud's eyes softened. "We'll get your friend back."

Riku smiled lightly, leaning against the window. "You're right, we will." _And I won't accept anything short of that._

xxXXXXxxxXXXXXXxxx

Journal Entry 2

Ugh, I have a headache. It's like millions of hammers are slamming into my skull. It throbs, it bulges . . . and just when I get used to the pain my ears start ringing and buzzing, watts of electricity burning me at the core.

Then everything just . . . stops. No pain, no sickness. But during this time my body won't move, won't obey my command. I twitch and see stars then 'Sora' takes over. He yells, screams, and I watch from inside, cold and gasping as his eyes show me things that don't make sense. Memories that aren't mine.

How can I be laying here, trapped, numb at the heart when my legs are bleeding. My throat becomes raw because 'Sora' is screaming . . .

There's a simple answer to all of this: It happens because this isn't my body. I don't _belong_ here, this wasn't supposed to happen. But I guess it makes sense. It should be hard to take your soul, rip it into shreds, and shove it back where it originated. I never really had a soul, never should have existed.

So why am I here? Why did you trap me here, Sora?

...

...

...

...

...

...

Well, that didn't work. I spill my guts out, and he ignores me. Typical.

Seriously, what do I have to do to get your attention, Sora?! Hello? You can't hide forever! Idiot . . .

Humph, well at least I don't feel groggy anymore. I've never been awake for this long since Sora officially pushed me into his body about a week ago. I guess Riku forgot to drug my breakfast, not that it matters. Everyone is gone. Just me and Mr. Doom and Gloom in his office. I mean, don't get me wrong, I respect Yen Sid, but . . . eh . . . yeah, he makes me feel uncomfortable. He'll know something is up the minute he sees my face.

Ergh, but there's nothing to do here! I don't know what's beyond this tower, but it's not like Yen Sid will let me up and leave! Dang it!

I can finally walk, yet I'm stuck in this dismal room with a bed that smells like death, no windows, and a tile floor that's just perfect for slipping. No joke, the first time I tried to walk I had socks on and the moment I left the bed all hell broke loose. It's freakin' walking! I didn't ask for a freakin' ice-skating ring! Damn it all . . .

Well, I guess it's just you and me, journal. Hmmm, I really should be writing something about my past, but I don't feel like it. Great, just great.

Hmmm, okay Sora. You want me to beg, I'll beg. Please, come back and talk to me! I'm so bored, please! I'll even go easy on you when you explain why you would-no, scratch that. Sora, you don't have to explain anything to me, okay? Just . . . let me know that you're there.

...

...

...

...

Ugh, forget it! I'll just-wait a minute. My legs, they move! Yes! Okay, where are you taking me Sora?

Sora? Hey, this isn't funny! Don't you think it's rude to make me walk to god knows where without telling me? Sheesh, why are you being such a jerk?

**Payback.**

Oh wow, oh man I'm going to start crying! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

**You sure you're not tired? You've been acting weird lately . . .**

I could say the same to you, but I'll keep my promise. You know, unlike some people.

**Don't rub it in, please. I have a lot going on now. My hands are kind of tied, figuratively speaking.**

Yeah, same for me. I mean, really. I like falling asleep at importune times and waking up screaming my brains out. Yep, just a joy ride to heaven for me.

**You're hilarious.**

Yeah, I'm awesome, aren't I? I-Dammit! What are you doing, we can't see Yen Sid! Are you nuts?

**Just shut up and let me do the talking, alright? Besides, he's not a bad person.**

Did you seriously just tell me to shut it? Wow, you've changed. Is this because of how I treated you when we first met?

**I'm sorry, really. That was rude of me. Look, I'll tell you more later but first, can you please let me have control?**

Hmmm, you never asked to do that before.

**I've never controled you before until now, you're just not used to my body yet. I'm still injured you know. Both physically . . . and mentally.**

I see. Fine, just get it over with. You controlling my legs is weird enough.

**Just relax, okay? It's not going to hurt.**

Says you.

**Ugh, can you just cooperate! I'm opening the door, so don't make any weird faces. I can control what you're saying, but don't look at him like he's a weirdo!**

I wouldn't do that. Sheesh, I can act.

**You were thinking it.**

Alright, alright. Hurry up and get to talking. Ugh, this is so weird. "Yen Sid?" Whoa, what was that? I spoke, ugh and I sound like a whining pansy!

**Roxas...**

Sorry.

Yen Sid is currently staring at me now, and I'm trying not to look like an idiot. I smile nervously, and my mouth moves against my will. "Yen Sid, I'm sorry to bother you."

Yen Sid just blinks at me (and Sora hypothetically, I guess). "Sora, you should rest. Things in the stars look stable, your friends are fine."

"Except for Namine." Yes, thank you for asking about that, Sora. Man, I can't believe I almost forgot about her.

**Don't talk to me while I'm doing this, it's distracting. Besides, we're talking to Yen Sid. Pay attention!**

Man, what's with you? It's a compliment!

I scowl briefly and then my hand comes up and I slap myself in the face. The heck! He did not just do that! Dammit!

Double dammit, Yen Sid is staring at me like I'm a nitwit. "Both you and Namine are unstable, and that is where your connection exists. It is within both of your insecurities. I'm sure if you believe in her, as she believed in the both of you, then fate shall see that all ends well, or as justice sees fit." He ends the speech with his natural pose, rubbing his own beard that's as long as my arm.

Darn, did he say the both of us? Ugh, he knows already?!

**Of course he knows. Didn't I tell you to pay attention?**

To hell with that! Since when do you get off slapping me in the face?

**I didn't do that. You did that yourself.**

Why you little freak!

"Sora." Yen Sid narrows his eyes at me and I flinch. "Can I ask which one of you is speaking to me right now?"

"Uh." I swallow and groan internally. It looks like I have control now. Thanks for the warning, Sora. "Um, I'm Roxas." I then grin sheepishly.

Yen Sid closes his eyes in that dramatic way he does. You know, the bad way in which you just feel in your stomach that everything is going to go to hell. Yeah, that way. "I see . . . I had my suspicions. I'm assuming you two are going to keep this secret from the others?"

Sora speaks for me. "Yes, I'd like to keep it that way. I know it's not right and I hate lying. But there's something I _need_ to do."

Sora? Man, you're really serious about this.

**Yes.**

And no matter how much I complain you're not taking your body back?

**No. At least, not right now.**

I sigh and look at the floor, my voice barely above a whisper. "Can you keep our secret?"

"This is your decision, I have no part to play in this. I simply show people the stars. However, you will take responsibility for the consequences this action brings upon yourself and your friends."

"Yes, of course." Wow, I think me and Sora were literally speaking at the same time on that one. Cool.

**It's called being in sync. The perfect balance.**

It's what should have happened to our minds when we merged, correct?

**Yes, but I stopped it.**

Wow, I really don't get you sometimes. You know you could have killed us both.

Sora ignores my latest observation and takes control of my mouth again. "Do you have a mirror?"

"There is a tall one downstairs, do you need help?"

I jump in, ready to respond that I don't but Sora gets to it first. "Yes, I would like that." The moment the sentence leaves my lips (unwillingly) Yen Sid snaps his fingers and a broomstick starts walking toward me.

Yes, that's right. A walking broomstick. Man, seriously? Ah, and it's holding my hand like I'm a toddler or something!

**Do you want to kill yourself?**

Ugh, no! But this is embarrassing. Argh, and we're walking down the stairs so slowly. Don't you feel humiliated?

**How can I? There's no one else here.**

Shut up! It bothers me, okay? Humph . . .

**Fine, I'll be quiet. In fact, I'll never speak to you again for the rest of my life.**

NO! No, please don't! I'm sorry! Backtrack, backtrack.

**Really? You sure? Cause I don't have to be here, Roxas. I really don't.**

But why? Why don't you want to be here, Sora? These are YOUR friends. This is YOUR life.

**Roxas, I didn't say that I don't WANT to be here. I said I don't have to be. Or, the better term would be that I CAN'T be here, physically anyway. Not right now.**

Why Sora? I honestly don't understand. I really need to know, it's only fair.

**Look in the mirror.**

Wha? We're here already? Hmm, fast walk. Ah, and that weird walking broomstick is going back up. Sheesh, it walks like a penguin.

**Roxas, look. Please.**

Sorry, okay, okay. I'm focused now. Alright, so here's what we . . . we . . . you . . .

That . . . that doesn't look me. I'm wrapped in bandages and . . . that doesn't look like me.

**No. It doesn't look like me.**

Wha?

**You said in your head that it "doesn't look like me." What you mean is it doesn't look like me, Sora. You're not in your own body, remember? So, to you, it doesn't look like Sora.**

Right, okay. So um, what am I looking at?

**You're looking at me.**

But . . . you don't look like you.

**Nope. I look like you.**

I'm confused. Okay, okay, so that's how I should look, technically speaking.

**It would be what you would look like if you were inside my head, but you're not because I pushed you into my body. So, in basic terms, I'm in the mental form of your body.**

But my body was destroyed.

**I said mental form.**

Yeah, yeah, okay. Sheesh.

**Am I annoying you? Sorry, this is hard for me to explain. Ergh . . .**

Okay, just start from the top. Why are you keeping me here, Sora? And . . . why do you still have a hole in your chest?

**It's a long story, you might want to sit down.**

I'd prefer to stand, thank you very much.

**Right.**

Ow! What the Heck! I fell. How in the world-did you do this?!

**Ahem, anyway. Where to begin . . .**

Not cool, man. Not cool.

**It all started with Axel's death. You sure you're ready for this?**

Yeah, I'm ready. Sheesh, lay off the suspense.

**You just started crying.**

I . . . I did? Wow, um . . . well, you're crying too.

**Man, this is hard.**

Just tell me the truth, okay? Please.

**Right, just keep looking at the mirror.**

Ugh. Fine. Okay, so I'm currently staring at the mirror and it's cracking. Wait, what? I didn't even touch it.

Wow, it's literally breaking before my eyes, it's like I'm watching someone smash it with a hammer and . . . oh god, is that a hand? It's reaching from the mirror! Gah! It's wrapping around my arm, it won't let go. No!

Sora? Sora, what's going on? Hello? Oh man, he's not responding. I can't pull back, it's too strong! I'm getting sucked into the mirror. "Yen Sid, help!" It's my only chance, but man I hate yelling for help.

Wait, I see something. Is he coming? No, it's the mirror, the mirror is glowing and . . .

I can't feel my arms anymore. Everything is getting . . . darker . . . I can't . . . can't keep my eyes open . . .

Someone . . . help . . .

End of Journal Entry 2

xxXXXXXxxxXXXXXxxx

Riku grunted, massaging his sore ear before attempting to pin the communicator back in. No matter how tech savvy Cid was, the annoying pieces of metal hardware were still considered prototypes. It was going to be a pain fighting with such sensitive technology, but no one would dare complain about that. They were close to the castle now, seconds away from landing. _Namine is waiting._

"Okay, fellas, I'm going to take us to the courtyard behind the castle. Everybody ready?" Mickey turned, glancing at all of the worthy fighters before pulling up his hood. "Right, brace yourselves."

Riku nodded, holding onto to one of the railings of the ship as they turned. He could now see the white castle looming from the screens monitors and he let out a breath of anticipation. Oh how long he had waited for this.

Things seemed to be running smoothly when a sharp, purple flash of light suddenly appeared around the castle, shielding it. Riku gasped just as the Gummi ship made contact, sending them all in a whirl of rugged movements. The only thing keeping him from slamming into the opposite wall was the railing he was gripping now with strained fingers. The ship was completely on its side at an angle. Riku was close to slipping when Mickey jumped up, wobbled over towards the controls and steered the ship away from the purple shield surrounding the castle.

"What in the world was that?" Yuffie groaned before standing, rubbing her shins. Leon supported her before turning to glance back at Cloud who simply nodded in return.

Riku glared at the Castle. "It's like some type of barrier." He frowned some more as he noticed a symbol flashing on the surface vaguely before the purple mass disappeared. "I guess it only appears when we get close."

"Hmmm, I'd like to examine this more closely. Perhaps we should dismount right here," Merlin said, briefly tapping his wand against his own robe. _Probably checking to see if the thing still works_, Riku mused.

Mickey turned the ship again, setting them about two yards away from where the barrier had appeared. "Man, where did all these trees come from? I didn't think much grew here," The mouse king remarked.

"Huh, it sort of looks like something out of Princess Aurora's world," Goofy said while scratching his head. "You know, with all em black trees."

Donald made a sound of exasperation before opening up the hatch. "Come on, I wanna see this thing already!"

Mickey sent Riku a look that said, "See what I have to deal with?" before playfully rolling his eyes. "We could all use the fresh air."

Everyone moved in a somewhat tight formation, walking out like the awkward army they were. Riku couldn't help but note the differences: A ninja, two swordsmen, two keybladers, a wizard, a knight, and one heck of an annoying magician. _Everything will be fine, stop doubting yourself._ Riku was the first to reach one of the castle's sides, stopping only when the purple shield reappeared on cue, inches away from his face. He could see a muddled reflection of himself staring back at him. Riku glared at himself, reaching one hand towards the barrier. _Just had to have something get in the way. Well, that won't stop me._

His reflection copied him, as expected. What really surprised him was the facial expression on his copy. _Why is he smiling at me? Hmmm, something feels wrong here . . ._

His copy's smile grew and then Riku felt something hit his stomach. Riku wheezed and coughed, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth. But his reflection didn't copy him this time. Instead it reached out further, grabbing Riku and hoisting him up. "Hehn, you, ack!" Riku coughed painfully again as his reflection started laughing.

_**Poor, poor, Riku. What are you doing** **here?**_

_I'm here to save a friend._ Riku growled and started kicking but the grip around his neck only got tighter. Air was leaking out of him painfully and he could feel his lungs burning. _I need air, this can't go on or . . . I'll . . ._

**_Fool. Don't you see you're not strong enough, Riku? You've fallen before, you can't be trusted._**

_Shut up!_ Riku raised up a free hand and sucked in as much air as he could before uttering, "Light." A soft stream of light escaped from his palms, and then his eyes widened at the sight before him. _What? This can't be? _

His copy had disappeared and in his place . . . "R-Riku?" Namine narrowed her eyes, still gripping him by the throat. "No, no it's not. That can't be you."

"Na-Nami-ack!" Riku shivered and collapsed as Namine dropped him. He spent a good amount of time coughing and spewing saliva while Namine stared at him with wide eyes.

"No . . . this isn't you. I didn't do this!" Namine took a step back, gripping her own hair. Her form shimmered against the purple barrier.

"Namine? Namine, please!" Riku reached for her but then he stopped as she disappeared in front of him, leaving purple wisps of smoke and darkness. "No, Namine!"

"Riku! Riku, snap out of it!"

He felt something inside him snap before water blasted into his nostrils. Riku sat up, coughing and rubbing his nose furiously as Mickey poured another bucket of water over him. "Riku? Oh, thank goodness you're awake."

"Namine . . . " Riku shivered, covering his own eyes. "She ran away."

"Riku? Riku, none of us have seen her. We haven't even broken past the barrier," Mickey said, worry flashing through his eyes.

"What?" Riku opened his eyes and gasped. He was surprised that he wasn't even standing by the barrier at all. Instead, he was sitting by the Gummi ship. He blinked, trying to absorb the new visual onslaught. Donald and Goofy had just fallen flat on their backs after initiating a weird wind spell. Cloud and Leon were currently hacking away at the shield, metal striking against flashing purple blasts. Merlin and Yuffie seemed to be teaming up as well, attacking in turns. Every time the barrier was hit Riku could make out the queer symbol flashing lightly on the barrier before disappearing.

_It looks like a crown._ "Wait, so what just happened?" Riku asked, head spinning as he tried to process through what he had seen. _Was everything before an illusion?_

"Riku, you collapsed the moment you touched the barrier. It took me ten minutes just to wake you up." Mickey frowned before looking at the unrelenting sphere. "What are you trying to do, Xemnas?"

Riku sighed. "Don't worry about it, it was all in my head." _Don't doubt yourself, stay alert._ "Have you noticed anything weird about the barrier so far?"

Mickey huffed, "Only that so far it's impenetrable. Nothing we're doing is working." Mickey's eyes narrowed. "Though I'm sure that seal has something to do with it."

Riku nods. "I think I've seen it before actually. I just can't remember when." Riku forced himself into a standing position, using the Gummi ship for balance. "Hitting it with magic isn't going to work."

"Yeah." Mickey tilted his head. "It's sort of hard to make out the seal actually. It looks like a crown but . . . I'm not sure."

Riku nodded then raised his hands and cupped his own mouth. "Guys, quit attacking for a second!"

Everyone stopped, Yuffie and Merlin with furrowed brows while Leon and Cloud seemed to have the same scowl on their faces. Donald and Goofy were panting. It was clear that everyone was getting frustrated.

_And that's exactly what Xemnas wants._ Riku cleared his throat before continuing. "Look, every time we attack this shield a seal shows up. Maybe if we combine our attacks the seal will stay up long enough for me to recognize it."

"Alright, sounds like a plan," Leon said with an ounce of irritation before coughing. "Alright, everybody got that?"

Yuffie smiled. "Yeah, shouldn't be too hard."

Merlin waved his wand, chuckling. "I'll direct the strength of each attack and concentrate it in one area. Everything will balance out."

Cloud nodded before turning towards Riku expectantly. "Don't get too close."

"Right, okay Your Majesty. We'll start on your count." Riku brought his Keyblade up, ready to blast light into the swelling purple orb.

"Okay, on three." Mickey raised his Keyblade up as well, his voice determined. "One."

Riku sucked in a breath.

"Two."

Everyone had their weapons raised now.

"Three!"

The blast of explosions nearly made Riku's eyes water. He clenched his fists around his Keyblade tightly, trying to stop the shaking as the blasts literally rolled off the shield like water hitting a brick wall. He blinked against the rush of air, focusing on the seal glowing brightly. _That's it, it is a crown! But, that means . . ._

"It's Sora!" Goofy and Donald shouted simultaneously, causing everyone to stop their attacks.

Merlin shook his head. "Ah, that would be incorrect. Sora is at the Tower."

"No!" Donald stomped the ground with his foot, face twisted with agitation. "It's from Sora's necklace! He used to wear it all the time."

_Of course, I can't believe I didn't catch that._ Riku growled at the sphere. "Yeah, they're right."

Yuffie glared at the seal, bringing both hands up to form a square. "What does it mean?"

Mickey walked up closer to the barrier, slouching slightly. "It means we can't break through. If what you guys say is true, then . . . " He turned, bringing his head down and closed his eyes.

No one needed to finish the thought, it was an obvious truth. But Riku decided to say it anyway, because it was the only way for him to accept it. "Sora will have to break through it."

xxXXXXXxxxXXXXxxxx

Journal Entry 3

Man, ugh, where am I now? This is just getting ridiculous, I am done with surprises. No more magic mirrors, no more bloody holes, just . . .

Ugh, I don't know what I want. I miss sleep, I really do. I just . . . I want to disappear. I don't belong anyway, what's the point of me staying, seriously?

"Because I don't want you to disappear."

Right, you don't want-wait a minute. Wha? "Sora? Sora is that you?" I ask this but instead of my mental form (or whatever Sora called it) I see bright oranges, reds, purples, hints of lavender. It's a sunset fit for a king. My legs are at the edge of a tower, and below I can see ringlets of forests and train tracks. Whistles blare in the distance and it's enough to make me smile. Almost.

I bring my hands up and move my fingers. Rough material coats my wrists and I stare at the black gloves, then down at the zipper keeping my black organization robe in one piece. I lift one hand to my hair and it spirals upward, geled in spikes. Yep, it's definitely _my_ hair, not Sora's. "I'm in Twilight Town," I mutter in wonder.

"That's right, doesn't it feel good to be back?"

I flinch and turn, glaring at the idiot before me. Sora seems to be dressed in an organization coat as well. Humph, why does it have to fit him perfectly? "Alright Sora, enough of the crap. Start talking."

Sora giggles (It sounds a little girly for some reason) then he lifts back his hood. Except, that's not his face. What the heck?! "No, no, no. This isn't real." It's Xion, freakin' Xion! Or is it really Sora using her form or something. Dammit!

"Really, Roxas? You need to learn to relax." He (she?) laughs and sits at the ledge.

"Sora, you have crossed the line! Get me out of this freakin' nightmare." I turn away from him, crossing my arms. I'm not going to let him get to me like this, not falling for his tricks. I'm done with it all.

Sora (not Xion!) laughs. "Roxas, this is what you want, right?"

"Shut up. You have no fuckin' clue what I want."

I can practically hear the sarcasm dripping out of his next words. "Roxas, I know everything about you now. You can't hide anything. I'm _you_ and you're _me_."

I finally face him, fists raised. "Then tell me why I can't see into your mind! How come I can't tell what YOU want?! Why can't I get some answers?"

Sora's smile turns bitter and his black hair rolls past his blue eyes in waves as the wind passes by. "Don't worry about me yet. If you want to understand, first you have to allow yourself to be helped."

"I don't need anyone's help." It comes out half-hearted. Can you blame me? I'm tired, okay? "Especially from you."

Sora closed his eyes. "Roxas, what do you think is going to happen when all of your memories disappear?"

I blink and make a circle in the ground with my left foot. "I guess I'll be gone then. But that's a good thing, right? Sora, this is what I signed up for."

Sora stands now, and it just makes the situation more strange. In Xion's body (ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this) he's actually a little shorter than me. But his eyes are just so piercing, so deep, so emotional. Ugh, this isn't just a nightmare, it's my own personal hell. "Roxas, I'm not going to let you disappear. I'm going to help you," Sora says.

Yeah. For those of you who are innocent, here's the real translation of what he just said. "Roxas, I don't care if you raise hell back and forth across every freakin' world in existence. I'm keeping you alive whether you form a heart or not, dammit!"

Yeah, that would be my best guess. This is just too much. "Fine, I'll play along. How are you going to help me, Sora?"

Sora smiles and it looks so beautiful on Xion's face-hell no! What am I saying? Erase that last sentence. God, alright. Sora says, "It's pretty simple, Roxas. You have all of my memories now, and I have yours. You're still keeping a journal, right? Whenever you want to see a specific memory, just say so in your head and I'll show you."

I roll my eyes. "Really? Whenever I ask you'll just make me doze off and whatnot?"

Sora shrugs. "Something like that. It works better when you're sleeping though, to be honest."

"When I'm sleeping?" This just gets better and better.

"Yep. Roxas," Sora pauses and sweeps his hand out, gesturing towards the beautiful images of the sun. "Welcome to the world of dreams."

Hmmm, me and Sora stuck inside one of our heads (who cares which one it belongs to at this point), standing on the clock tower with Sora as the master of the projector of my life story.

Bloody Hell.

End of Journal Entry 3


	4. Learning to Wake Up

**Chapter 3: Learning to Wake Up**

The mood was somber at best when Riku had reached Yen Sid's tower. Merlin and Yuffie were on their way back to Hollow Bastion to update the communicators with Cid and possibly invent something else high-tech that would be useful for their upcoming battles against Xemnas. Cloud and Leon offered to help Riku train back at Yen Sid's. Riku accepted the offer. After all, if getting through the barrier was this rough, it would just get worse as they made their way to the fortress.

He would need to get better, keep his heart strong. Riku would repeat this in his head, would chant it feverishly as he slept, the command ever present on his lips. Nothing could slip, he couldn't let temptation take hold. And even if a stem of it surfaced, if he ever felt so much as a tug he would immediately imagine Sora and that would usually calm his frantic heart.

Thinking hard about his friend, Riku now felt nervous as he opened the front doors of Yen Sid's humble home. There would be a punishment. He had failed to bring Namine back, not to mention drugging his best friend. He cringed at the thought of Sora's facial expression, with blue slits shooting into his very core. Those blue, deep eyes. They were always the worst.

_Well, you deserve it. All you can do is soak it in, be honest, and hope that he's not too disgusted to talk to you._ Riku swallowed before entering, already running multiple apologies and sentiments though his head. He almost went past Yen Sid only to stop and realize that he was passing Yen Sid.

Yen Sid, a man who rarely left his office. Yen Sid, who was currently blocking something from view. Yen Sid, whose tall frame was next to shattered specks of glass that layered the floor in precarious sparkles. _Oh, God, what happened now?_ Riku walked up slowly to the powerful wizard, already tense with worry. "Yen Sid? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing is amiss as far as my needs are concerned. However," Yen Sid turned around, facing Riku. "Sora has put himself in what appears to be a deep sleep."

Riku's eyes widened. _Again?!_ "Let me see him."

Yen Sid sighed. "You may observe, but you must not touch him." He stepped aside, allowing Riku to see finally.

Riku took another step forward, frowning at the light bruise on Sora's left cheek, his paler skin, and his chest seemed to be bleeding again (Would the wound ever heal?). Riku tilted his head, eyeing the shattered mirror directly in front of Sora. "Did he do that?"

Yen Sid nodded. "It appeared to be against his own will. He had called for help, but the moment I appeared before him he was already unconscious."

Riku blinked. "His hands look okay, and his legs. How did he do it?"

"The mind is a powerful thing," Yen Sid muttered while picking up a piece of glass with long, fragile fingers. "Perhaps he is trying to tell us something. Maybe, subconsciously, he wants help. This could very well be a representation of his heart."

"I see . . ." Riku leaned down, resting beside Sora's body, and chuckled bitterly. "Why are you always asleep at times like this?" He laughed some more, blinking away the sour tears that threatened to fall. "You really are a lazy bum, Kairi was right about you."

Yen Sid's robe flowed across the floor, shimmering like water as the he reached the steps. "Be careful. I believe in about thirty minutes he should return. His disposition may be unstable, it's best that you keep yourself calm."

Riku nodded. "Right." After the wizard had left his sight, Riku took in a deep breath, then he grabbed Sora's hand.

xxXXXXxxxXXXxx

Kairi lifted her head, starring warily at Namine with heavy eyes. Tears swelled up inside her eyelids, but Kairi held them in. Sucking in more air for courage, she blinked before glaring defiantly at her current roommate. "That's not going to work on me."

Namine stared back, her face devoid of all emotion. _Another lapse_, Kairi thought as she saw the other girl's eyes protrude, hollow and empty. _It's weird, ever since that panic attack she had earlier she's been blanking out from time to time. I wonder what's wrong with her. And how does she know Riku?_

Kairi frowned and straightened up as much as she could in her chains. "Who are you? How do you know Riku?"

Namine's eyes flashed before focusing, breaking out of the lapse. In the next second Kairi was screaming and stomping with her feet wildly. Her breathing became labored while her pupils turned into small, opulent holes from panic. "No . . . no, stop! P-Please!" She closed her eyes, voice desperate. "Please . . .?"

Namine blinked, voice eerily calm. "What do you mean stop?"

Kairi huffed, still keeping her eyes shut. "It's not real, it's not real! Stop it!"

"How do you know it's not real? What are you seeing, Kairi?" Namine tilted her head, smiling.

"You know exactly what I'm seeing. You put them there." Kairi finally opened her eyes, only to squeal loudly in fear. She moved her feet in wild motions, flailing at invisible assailants to the normal eye. But it was all real for her, all too real for her.

Namine shrugged. "It's a simple really. I don't understand why so many people are afraid of spiders. Isn't it time you got over that?"

Kairi growled, cheeks glowing from a mixture of both shame and embarrassment. "Just stop it! Now!"

"Why should I?" Namine's smile grew, but her eyes were glazed and hollow.

Kairi watched in horror as Namine's body disintegrated, transforming into millions of spiders. All were black widows, grotesque in their appearance, and they moved like distorted versions of human zombies. Kairi screeched as they all headed towards her, forming with the daddy-long legs that were already traveling up her arms and legs.

She screamed. Her throat protested as her screams were choked off into gags; the spiders were crawling into her mouth. Her whole body shook in violent spasms before aching in small bursts of agony when tiny fangs stabbed into her legs and arms. She could feel the strong teeth dragging, injecting harmful liquids into her bloodstream.

She wanted to cry, wanted to shake them off, wanted to curl into a corner or hide under a blanket. She wanted warmth, wanted freedom to move, wanted them all to just _go away_. She could feel the poison moving. No! She wanted it out, out, out!

And then . . . gone. It all went away, all _gone_. Kairi collapsed against the wall while her hand hanged limply from where it was still chained. She used her only free hand to cover her mouth, but the resistence didn't help as she vomited, croaking up in her throat with a gurgling sound as the contents of her stomach left her. _And I thought drowning was worse than this? _She shook her head, trying to get rid of both nightmares as she spat out the frail aftertaste of spiders.

Namine giggled, a soft tinkling sound. "You're so strong, Kairi. I can see that I'm going to have to dig deeper."

Kairi flinched, keeping her eyes on the puke. "Why?"

Namine's smile disappeared. "I asked you before, if you could take me away. You refused."

"I don't know what you mean! I don't know how, I don't know anything!" She broke off into sobs, ashamed of her own weakness. _Please, not another one. Not another nightmare._

"I'm sorry, Kairi." Namine sighed before rubbing her own forehead, narrowing her eyes in deep concentration. "Now . . . let's see if your fears get any interesting past age ten."

Kairi shivered and moaned lightly, shaking with desperation and overflowing tears. _Who is this person and how in the world is she doing this?_ She barely had time to contemplate over the infuriating question before falling into the next dream of repressed memories.

xxXXXXxxxXXXxxx

Journal Entry 4

Sometimes, it's hard to hold a grudge. Hard to hold in anger.

Anger itself is a heavy emotion. There are so many sides to anger: irritation, annoyance, rage, caustic desires, etc. I think what most people forget is how much energy it takes to truly stay angry. I mean, I know I'm pretty bad at complaining and whatnot, but even I have my limits. I'm simply at the point where I almost don't care. I just want to go to bed and sleep it all off.

The problem is I already _am_ asleep. We're still in this weird "World-of-dreams" or whatever the heck Sora calls this place. It's hard to stay mad at the top of a tower with a sunset to keep you company and ice cream (of course).

Impossible. I just . . . can't. I can't do it. Not in my favorite place. Not here, holding an ice cream pop and watching the sun paint the sky lavender and orange. And Sora knows this, dang it! Ugh . . .

And look at him now! He's just sitting next to me looking at the sun with that goofy grin. Oh, and did I also mention that he looks like Xion? Yeah, the freakin' lunatic. "Look, Sora, I don't know what your angle is but if you keep hiding your face that's not going to stop the beating I give you when I figure out this mess," I say, glaring at him because I'm too lazy to get off my butt and beat him now. And again, as I said before, I'm freaking tired.

Sora rolls his eyes then turns towards me. "I'm not hiding, I'm doing this for you."

"Really?" I spat this out with as much sarcasm that I can in a single word.

"Yep." Sora stands. "See? You remember Xion a little more, right?" He poses, placing his hands on his hips in what I would have considered cute (on Xion anyway) if the situation wasn't so _wrong_. "And now you know what she looks like. So, commit this stuff to memory!"

"Excuse me? I'm in a dream! I can't write anything here!"

Sora waves his hands, as if I said the world was square. "Relax, you'll figure it out. Anyway, since we still have some time what about I show you something?"

"Or, how about you get me out of here before I kick you off the tower." Screw being tired! I'm going to make a point.

"Aww, you wouldn't hit Xion, would you?" He jumps in front of me, smiling lightly.

I take in his heart-shaped face, round chin, smooth outline, pixie-cut black hair, the organization coat . . . I feel like crying now. This isn't fair, he just can't . . . he can't do this!

I breathe in deeply, closing my eyes to work up enough conviction to move. I erase all thoughts of _her_ from my mind and focus only on _him_. Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora. Then I slap him on the cheek as hard as I can.

His face moves to the side in a sharp jolt of movement while the sound of the slap reverberates throughout the open space between us. The background morphs, buildings turning grey, ground rising up to meet me. The sky shifts from a red rainbow to a dark, purplish color.

I shiver as my limbs soak in the cold air with only my shirt and pants to shield me. My organization coat falls to the floor, shattering in black dust. "Wha?" I gasp, looking around at my surroundings before turning back to Sora.

He looks like himself now, except his hair is a lighter brown than I remember. His skin is extremely pale and his eyes are a mixture of brown and blue, complete with a hollow film of shock. He blinks once, bringing a hand that's as white as a sheet up to the red splotch of skin on his left cheek. "That wasn't very nice," he says, voice all low and creepy sounding.

I back away from him slowly, trying to hide the fact that all of this is freaking me out. "Sora, what did you do?" I glare at the bloody circle located at the center of his chest. God, that's still there? "This is you, right?"

Sora's eyes narrow and it's almost impossible for me to keep a straight face as he stares at me. "You can see _me_." He states it like it's a fact, but from the tone of his voice I can tell he wasn't expecting that at all. I wasn't supposed to see him like this, he was hiding from me.

A chill passes by my back and I turn slowly. A black cage stands behind me, encased in mountains of spiralling black flames. I can make out someone in there. It's hard to see with the black bars in the way, but the figure's body is also black as well. I keep staring at the thing (or is it actually a person?) before it looks up, eyes wide and yellow. "Hello, Roxas." His voice comes out in a hiss, dark and mocking.

I open my mouth to speak, but then Sora's cold hand instantly blocks any sound from leaving past my lips. I flinch as he whispers in my ear. "Time to go."

What do you mean? I close my eyes wind comes from no where, throwing me up into the sky in the middle of a black abyss while my right hand heats up. It burns, burns, burns.

I shudder and moan, opening my eyes but I can't see anything. There is nothing around me, nothing at all. No substance or any sign of life, just this rich, deep blackness. But my hand is still burning.

_"Sora."_

A voice calls and then the skin on my right hand starts peeling from the burns and I'm screaming loudly. Air rushes up my face and then I feel like my body is being pulled two different ways at once. It stretches and compresses, and then I'm drowning in black, in misery, and it's so cold, cold, cold, cold, cold . . .

_"Sora!"_

Something is touching my face and now it burns too. The pain is too much, the darkness is too much, it's all too much. I whimper as I feel a finger twitch. I try to speak but all of a sudden my throat clogs up and it's like my lips are sealed.

The voice is clearer now, enough for me to put a name to it. "Hey, Sora. It's okay. You'll pull through, you can fight this. You've always been strong enough."

"No. No," I manage to force this out of my sore throat. The darkness, it's finally leaving. The sence of nothingness I felt before is being replaced by warmth, rich soothing warmth. It doesn't hurt, doesn't burn. But my chest aches now, and my hand . . . my hand . . .

"You can do it, Sora."

The burning presence covers my entire chest, and then I open my eyes. I mean, I really _open_ them. It takes a few seconds for me to recognize the broken glass, the green tiled floor, the battered mirror, and then . . . "Riku?" I croak out, wheezing the name in a single breath before coughing. I glance warily at my hand, seeing his fingers clenching tightly around it, like he's afraid I'll slip away. He's the one who burned me. But that pain is what brought me out of wherever I was. I squint and sit up, trying to ignore the involuntary shudders clinging to my back.

"Hey, take it easy." Riku leans me back on the ground, still holding my hand. I want to pull it away, but I can't find the strength. I can barely move my eyes back to his face, but I do. I fight to see him, fight to stay conscious. It's hard to admit, but I'm a little scared of sleeping after all that. Afraid to sleep. Afraid to return back to the nothingness. I shiver.

Riku rubs my forehead and the burning touch gives me enough incentive to look at him more closely. Riku's emotions are as clear as always in the depths of his Iris', the mixtures of blue and green that come together ominously to create vast oceans of turquoise. I don't need to see the slight downtown of his lips or the tightness of the skin at the corner of his eyebrows. Not even the tense lines that form his muscular arms or the way his teeth naw into his bottom lip, drawing blood.

He's nervous as all hell. I know he has a right to be, I should be angry with him about something. At least, I think so. I frown as I try to remember why I was angry at anyone to begin with, but he must have thought that I was directing the frown towards him. He speaks in rushed intervals. "I know, I know. You have every right to be mad at me, and I don't blame you. But you have to understand, Sora, I had to leave you here. I had to do this for you, for all of us."

The moment he says 'Sora' exhaustion seeps in. Crap! You know what, I'm done with it. I'll let this slide, Riku. Okay? Time to play a truce, kay? I'm just not in the mood. "Don't worry about it."

"Really?" His voice is so incredulous that I almost laugh.

I nod and shrug to cement this kind, rare act of forgiveness (yes rare, he ain't getting away with this a second time). "I just want to sit on something comfortable and talk. About nothing, about everything. Just . . . I need a distraction."

"Right, of course. Yeah, we can do that." He bites his bottom lip again as something akin to worry flashes in his eyes.

Why do I have a feeling that my life has just been screwed ten times over? "Something you want to say now?"

"Yeah, well, ah," He clears his throat, an obvious stalling gesture that's so unoriginal that I almost contemplate taking it all back. "The mission didn't really go as planned."

"What? What do you mean?" I sit up now, ignoring the pain in my chest and throbbing hand so he can get the full effect of me narrowing my eyes. "What the heck, Riku. Just spit it out."

He blinks and looks down, letting go of my hand. For some reason, this just makes me more irritated. I cross my arms and sigh. "Namine isn't here with us, is she?"

Riku has the decency to look me in the eye before shaking his head. I decide to let him suffer under my death glare for about five minutes as I spin a few somewhat violent ideas in my head. I then take a break from glaring at him and rub my own eyes, then I look at my knees. "Riku?"

"Yeah?"

"Come closer . . ."

I hear him hesitate before he leans forward slightly. His face is a above mine, then I grab him by the hair, yanking him down to my level. His surprise prevents him from pulling away as I raise my fist, aiming it for one of his treacherous, pained eyes. I'm about 75% of the way there when my hand freezes in position.

**Roxas, please.**

Shut up!

**Please.**

Sora, so help me if you don't let me do this . . .

**It's not his fault! It's not his fault I'm sick or injured, it's not his fault that Namine was captured! The hell, Roxas! Beating him up will solve nothing! So shut the hell up and drop your fist!**

Make me, Sora. Go ahead, take control. You've done it before, you're doing it now. Go ahead and stop me. I can do this all day.

**Roxas . . .**

Like I said, all day. I don't care if I pass out or what. I'm just going to keep fighting until this douche learns that he can't just take advantage of you like this.

**I'll give you nightmares.**

You think threatening me is going to work?

**I've seen your entire life, I hold the rest of your memories. I know everything that bothers you, everything that makes you upset, everything that makes you smile, laugh, cry, yell . . . **

**It only takes a little push. If you lay a finger on Riku, on any of my friends, then I will personally make sure that you suffer.**

"Sora?"

That's right, Riku is still here. He hasn't moved, and I've probably had my fist raised for about two minutes. I drop my hands, feeling the aftershocks of rage rolling through me. But it isn't really me. The anger seeps into me from Sora and suddenly my lips move on their own and I'm watching everything from the inside. "Go away, Riku," Sora says through me.

The hurt in his eyes is cut off by his own hair as he slowly stands. He looks as if he wants to touch my shoulder or something, but Sora's facial expression keeps him from trying. He walks up the stairs methodically, chest held high and looking straight ahead.

When he reaches the top Sora bursts into tears, causing me by default to do the same.

End of Journal Entry

* * *

**Well, didn't really mean to take so long with this one but . . . eh, stuff just happens. School ain't making anything easier at the moment.**

**I'd like to thank all the readers who helped make this possible, especially xxIAmTheSkyxx, XionTheBlackRose, Heart'sgem, FlightfootKeyseeker, Zeki-Kiryuu-kun628, and superstoyboi124. All reviews and criticisim has been much appreciated.**


	5. Within Darkness

**Chapter 4: Within Darkness**

The sea's turbulent waves calmed him as they settled harmlessly by his feet. He was along the coast, free from danger and pride, safe along the wet sands of the in between. It was hard to tell how much time had passed, and who could blame him? His sense of time had been completely altered. The moon never rose or sank from it's postion in the sky, the waters always moved in their motions balanced between serenity and savagery (unless someone came from the light, the _outside_ world. But he highly doubted that as Aqua had told him that he was the only new person to arrive within these past few weeks).

Ansem the Wise, the only other male here, seemed to avoid him. He didn't know what to make of that, but it was futile to deny the unmistakable tension between them. Whether it was from a past transgression or something else less personal, he didn't know.

But he never dropped his hood, never let Ansem see his true face. It made him feel naked to take off the hood, to reveal his red hair to this bleak world of black. He didn't really care for the sight of it himself, it didn't seem like it was his. It definitely didn't fit this place's niche, the sacred atmosphere of desolation and hopeless nightmares.

The truth was, his hair reminded him of fire. Of an _explosion_.

He felt weird admitting it, but the idea of exploding scared him. No, wait. That was the wrong term. Scared would imply that he was wary of performing the action, but he didn't feel that way. Rather, he felt like the explosion had already happened. Now he represented the ashes, settling and drifting. He had to wait for the spark, a new beginning.

_Maybe_, he mused, _maybe that's why I can't remember my name._

The thought made him frown. He was not known for being short on confidence, that much he knew. When he first arrived he had felt that spirit, that genuine feeling of concern, freedom of death, and the tingling aftereffects of guilt. He didn't have to recall anything, he knew _it_ and it was _him_. But now, after weeks of nothing but walking and staring at the sky, he was starting to slip.

Aqua said that it was natural. It happened with time. He had retorted by asking her why she seemed to remember everything. Then she showed him the pendant, a keepsake from a friend. A link to the outside world, the world of light.

He felt . . . uneasy then. Uneasy and confused. He didn't have such a trinket, a memory. Perhaps that's why he was starting to forget, starting to disappear.

He hated it. He wanted a connection, needed a link, a key chain (he laughed at the reference). There had to be something. Right?

The angry thoughts burned like flames and he dropped his hood, letting the heat from his face gain exposure and contrast from the cold breeze. He looked at the water and frowned, narrowing his eyes at the bottle floating across like a mini-paper boat towards him. Indeed, there was paper rolled up within the translucent thing, and he picked it up, letting the curiosity in his chest warm up his insides. He took out the cork and pulled out the fresh paper. It seemed to glow against his dark gloves, almost like a hand wrapping around his palm. He smiled, appreciating the warmth before reading the note:

_Ah, I still feel groggy as all heck. How long does Sora need to sleep anyway? It's been fifteen hours and my eyes still want to shut the world away. Ugh!_

_It's the poison. I swear, Riku, if I wasn't so focused on fulfilling my new resolution, I would force myself out of bed...man, I'm getting lazy..._

The moment he finished reading the first few sentences he had to struggle to hold in his laughter. His hand was unsuccessful in hording all of his chuckles and his laughter leaped out, like rough, strangled bells. He coughed and wiped his eyes, shaking with giggles and raised eyebrows. He felt more happy, more _alive_ than he had ever felt since . . . since the time he said goodbye.

But now, with this letter . . . it was almost like he never had to let go. His friend was still alive, his link was still out there. Maybe there was still hope for him after all, just like there had always been hope for Aqua. The feeling of happiness dipped back into confusion once more as he reached a particular segment.

_Name: Axel._

_Other descriptions: Has wild, red hair that blasts out like a volcano. A twisted, deranged spurt of lava that can be blinding._

He blinked and started skimming, reading through the other facts rapidly until he reached an unsettling aspect of the letter.

_It's strange, I don't really think about this much but . . . if Axel hadn't talked to me and given me something to do when we didn't have missions . . . I would have been completely lost._

_Everything I know about living, about **being**, came from him. He was the one who explained friendship, love, sacrifice . . . is that something only a friend does? _

_So what do I do? How can I even learn to function in life (in Sora's body, no less) if the person who taught me how to live isn't even around? How can I be . . . **anything** if I don't even know where to start?_

His hands started shaking as he struggled to keep himself from ripping the paper. How could anyone feel this way, so hollow? So empty to the point where they didn't even feel like a person? How could this "Axel" have so much power over this guy? What made him the key to _being_?

Huh, Axel. The name sounded familiar, a perfect name for a burning flame. And the descriptions . . . yes, it all sounded familiar.

_It sounds like . . . me. _He shook his head at the silly thought. It was just too surreal, almost mocking to consider the fact that he could be the source of that much_ life_ for anybody, let alone himself.

However, he couldn't deny the feeling. Somewhere inside, from within, he knew he had answers to this boy's questions, answers that would not only send the boy on the right path, but also establish the foundation that the boy had always existed in the first place. There was no reason to worry about _being_ when he already _was_.

Thinking about this proved to be a little overwhelming, even for a man who claimed to be made from an explosion. With a sigh, he pulled his hood back, placed the letter within his coat, and walked away from the shore for the first time in hours (days?), not noticing the specks of light trailing in the air from where the letter had previously been.

* * *

**{Within Sora}**

_I made it in time . . ._

**_Pfft, by the skin of your teeth. I wasn't going to kill him, you know. I just wanted to say hi._**

_Shut. Up._

**_Look, pal, you've been trying that for the last few weeks . . . I'll just put you out of your misery. It ain't working. The disillusion ends now._**

_Ugh, you are so . . . so . . . ugh!_

**_Yeah, I get that a lot. Or actually, I should say that _you_ get that a lot. _**

_I'm still not buying this "I'm you, you're me" crap._

**_That's funny, isn't that what you're trying to get Roxas to do? Heh, wow, we really do pass on our struggles to other undeserving individuals. Humans suck . . ._**

_Eh . . . yeah, I guess I sort of agree with that._

**_Huh, really?_**

_Well, I guess . . ._

**_There's no use in agreeing if you don't really mean it. Come on dude, I already told you that I'm YOU. You agree by default._**

_Yeah, you see that's the thing. We're nothing alike. Our personalities are completely different._

**_Is that so? _**

_Yes._

**_You truly believe this?_**

_Yes. I really do._

**_Alright, answer me this. Why did you make Roxas cry?_**

_Excuse me?_

**_Why did you make Roxas cry? He's hurting, you know. You almost pushed him into the _Void_. He's lucky he still exists . . . _**

_What are you talking about? What Void?_

**_You know, the realm in between? Nothingness? Like an eternal limbo sort of thing, except for Nobodies it just means they completely disappear. Like, forever. No coming back after that._**

_Oh._

**_Yep, you've been pretty careless lately. You even let him see the _real_ you. Heh, did you see the look on his face when he saw you? It was priceless._**

_And to think I actually thought you cared about him for a second there._

**_Eh, he's alright. He sort of gets on my nerves, all that whining and complaining._**

_He has a point though, he wouldn't be like this if it weren't for Xemnas._

**_He wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for a lot of things, especially that one blonde witch. Honestly, I don't see why you keep him around. He's going to die eventually . . . goodness knows he does one heck of a job by himself._**

_And this is the part where I ignore you._

_**Ha ha, I wanted to see you hit Riku. Come on, you know you wanted to**._

_No, I didn't._

**_You can't lie to me, Sora. Remember, same identities. Same _being_. The fact is, you wanted to do it just as badly as Roxas. The freak deserved it too, I say. I mean, drugging you? Where does he get away with pulling bullshit like that? You gonna let Riku step all over you like he did before? Have you forgotten that he nearly caused Kairi to die?_**

_No! It's not his fault! _

**_It's never anyone's fault with you! Damn . . ._**

_I don't act on my emotions. I feel a lot of things sometimes, and I'll admit they're not always nice feelings. But . . . that's not going to stop me from protecting my friends. Riku means a lot to me, and so does Kairi. Protecting them is more important than my trivial emotions._

**_Trivial? You matter too. Hell, at some point a line has to be drawn. If you don't stand up now people will always undermine you. That's why Roxas doesn't believe you, you're so sappy. Perhaps if you let a little darkness in things would change._**

_What? I'm not letting the darkness control me!_

**_Sheesh, have you already forgotten the basic attributes of light and darkness? One can't exist without the other. God, you're so stupid._**

_If I am, then so are you._

**_Oh, now you pull that card! BS, man . . . humph, what's wrong with a little, eh? A nudge. _**

_Doesn't take much to lose control, Riku taught me that. Even the best intentions can be muddled by corruption._

**_Same thing goes for light, you know._**

_How can that be? Light is good._

**_Eh, light may be righteous, but self-righteousness isn't always a good thing. You should know that . . . Riku proved that to you as well. I honestly think you shouldn't trust him._**

_Well, I trust him more than you. Your opinion doesn't matter._

**_You trust Riku more than yourself? For shame . . . no wonder your heart hasn't fully healed. Looks like that hole is going to be there for a while._**

_Whatever, I'm leaving now. Don't get any funny ideas._

**_Pfft, please. I'm way too comfortable in my roomy prison made out of black bars mixed with inner specks of light. Interesting combination, nice architecture. Really, I'm living it up._**

_Don't test me._

**_Don't have to. Your light may be strong, but it's still tainted. I just have to wait._**

_That day will never come. I swear on my heart that day will never come._

**_Swearing shouldn't be taken lightly, Sora. Seriously, though, relax. Once I'm in control things will be much easier for you. You'll come to understand. With time, only with time._**

_Goodbye, Anti-Sora._

**_Ha ha ha ha, Anti-Sora? Of all the convoluted crap!_**

**_Sora? Hello? Ah, he wasn't kidding. Ah well, might as well relax. It's going to be so funny when he finally cracks. Hmmm, watching him suffer is more fun than I thought it would be, I'll have to keep this part of myself around._**

**_As for Roxas . . . heh, let's just hope he has the sense to not look in the mirror._**

**{Portal has been closed}**

* * *

**Ooh, fun stuff, yay! This chapter was actually longer than I thought it would be when I had it in the planning stages. Hah, I love inner turmoil and conversations.**

**Well, thank you all for favoriting/following/reviewing! Your support is what keeps this story thriving and amazing, I appreciate all the support.**

**Until next time!**


	6. Strange Urges

**Chapter 5: Strange Urges**

Journal Entry 5

"Sora . . . "

Ugh, that stupid name! Will he quit it? It's been about, um I don't know, fifteen hours and the door isn't budging one inch. That was your clue to leave, moron!

"Hey, I know things have been hard for you recently, I'm not undermining anything that's happened in the past few hours. But . . . Sora, you can't keep this stuff inside. I know, I'm the worst example when it comes to this . . . but I'm making up for my past now. Don't you remember the talk we had when you first woke up? About second chances? New starts? We weren't going to hide anything from each other, remember?"

Sheesh, this guy can't take a hint. But . . . darn, I still can't say anything. Ugh, this really sucks!

It's strange, I'm mad at Riku and Sora is mad at Riku, but Sora won't do anything about it except shut Riku out, so now I'm just standing against this door unwillingly while my mind is going crazy with violent mayhem festered by wrath from two people. Ugh, I'm literally going to go insane, I just know it!

"Sora . . . please . . . "

He sounds so pathetic! Hey, Riku! Take a tip from me, if you really want to get our attention how about you freakin' kick the door down instead of this passive sappy talk! Maybe that will knock some sense into Sora's head . . . and then I would actually have some respect for you.

Oh, what am I saying? The real culprit is you, Sora! Come on, stop being emo and answer the guy!

Sora? Hello?

"Sora, I'm always here if you need to talk . . . you _know_ that." A shaky exhale, the sound of sneakers rubbing against rough wood flooring. Silence. Then I hear Riku walk away and I sigh.

Ahem, well that took forever. Sora, hello? You going to explain all of this? Hello?

Okay, dissing your best friend is one thing. But your Nobody? The person you _chose_ to share your body with? I think I deserve to be acknowledged . . .

. . .

. . .

Wow, you really suck, you know that?

**Yeah, I know.**

Good, we agree on some-oh, it's you. Hey.

**Hey.**

So . . . did you sleep well?

**Oh no, last night was horrible. It was very dark, then there was blood and angst and death and choking and spiders and death and . . . oh, Kairi was there. She was screaming, I was screaming, then Riku was screaming . . .**

**Um, yeah. It was the usual.**

Ah . . .

**And you?**

Um, well . . . it sounds lame compared to yours.

**Aw, don't be modest. I'm sure it's much worse. Go ahead and share, we got nothing better to do after all.**

Right.

Well, ah, there was me. I was sitting in this black chair. Um, there was no light so I couldn't see myself but I could_ feel_ myself, if I'm making any sense.

**You're not, but keep going.**

Right . . .

So, I just sat there and . . . I felt myself slowly disintegrate in the darkness. It's hard to really explain, but I was literally _nothing_ by that point.

**Oh.**

Yeah, not really scary or anything. More of an annoyance really.

**That's . . . that's not true. Disappearing forever, with no body, no heart, no_ soul_ . . . I think that's pretty scary, Roxas.**

Well, it doesn't matter. It's was all just a stupid dream.

**It's not stupid, Roxas. Dreams are important.**

But they're not real.

**What do you think memories are? There are many ways to dream, Roxas. Many ways . . . it's not always about sleeping. Isn't that how Namine operates? She can take our dreams, and she can take her own . . . she can take anything and make it into something new or erase something old. She truly is an artist.**

I see your point, but still . . . I don't know. What Namine does is different.

**Well, that's your opinion. Maybe they really are dreams but sometimes I think that maybe they're a warning. When I hear Kairi scream it sounds so real, it feels like it's really happening . . . and it's always when I'm far from her, always when I can't save her.**

You're just feeling guilty. Just because you left her doesn't mean you don't care about her.

**I. Never. Left. Her.**

Whoa, easy with the tone! Sheesh, not intentionally. But . . . you sort of abandoned her for a year and a half, you know.

**I was sleeping!**

I know, I know . . . I'm just saying you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself. Alright? End point.

**I . . . I can't. Not with her.**

Right, I forgot. Anything I say about Kairi would be pretty pointless. Humph, I'm speaking with the guy who committed suicide to save this girl. Sheesh, I'm acting derpy today.

**Hmmm, I'm choosing not to comment on this.**

Hey, um not to make you more angry than you already are, but I'm curious. Was Kairi really worth it?

**Of course she's worth it!**

Right, right. I'm just . . . I don't understand what makes her so special. I mean, what really makes you willing to do all of this for her? Not to seem cruel, but stabbing yourself in the chest? What kind of person does that?

**If I didn't do it she would have stayed in a coma forever! You saying I should have just left her to die?!**

No, I'm not saying anything! I want to know, that's all. I want to know.

**. . . **

**Why?**

Nevermind.

**No, say it.**

Well, um . . . did you . . . are you in love with Kairi?

**I . . . I don't know. Maybe.**

What do you mean maybe? How do you NOT know?

**I just don't know, okay?! What, do you know what it's like to be in love?**

No, I mean, why are you asking me?! I'm like the worst person to ask.

**Oh, I thought you would know. You know, with um . . . stuff that happened. Ergh . . .**

You can say his name, it's not like I'm going to go into a frenzy or anything.

**But aren't you still upset about it?**

Well, of course I'm upset. You would be too if Riku or Kairi died, right? I thought you knew me better.

**Just because I know everything doesn't mean I always know how you feel, especially now. I may have seen your entire past, and I may sometimes get snippets of your anger from time to time, but . . . if you really wanted to you could block me out.**

You mean like what you did to me at first?

**Yeah, sort of like that. And I'm still sorry for that by the way. I was just . . . I had to create a prison.**

For that black thing, right?

**Huh?**

You know, that guy that looked like a heartless. The one in the cage.

**Oh, _him_.**

Yeah. So, who is he?

**You don't want to know.**

Ah, actually I do want to know. You see, I asked you a question about him, so . . . yeah, I want to know.

**Hmmm, well I wish you didn't. He's very dangerous.**

Well, who is he?! And how did he get into your head?

**Well, it's a really long story. I guess . . . hah, it will be easier if you just speak to him.**

Oh, so you would introduce me?

**Um, maybe . . . ****but not yet. **

Well, fine. I'll let it rest for now. You better not back out on this though, seriously.

**I won't.**

Good. Now, onto the good stuff! So, why are you mad at Riku?

**Wha? I'm . . . I'm not . . . ugh! Is it that obvious?**

That, my friend, was a dumb question. Now, details!

**Ugh, I hate being mad! It sucks!**

Yeah, I know right?

**I don't know what to say, I don't know how to approach him, it's just all scrambled in my head like a battering ray of eggs.**

Total kill joy.

**I feel like screaming! But I can't cause then it will freak everyone out, and then I'll have to focus on being in control because I can't let you say anything.**

Yep, all complete-ah, wait a minute! What was that about me?! Why can't I talk?!

**Cause you're mean. You'll just make it worse.**

Well, excuse me! I'm not the one shutting my friend out the door. Sheesh, I would have had this settled hours ago.

**By doing what exactly?**

Simple. Two minute rant tops to get the point across, then I punch him. There you go, problem solved.

**Well, that's a stupid solution. **

No, it's perfectly practical, and half of it would have been executed if you hadn't stopped me earlier.

**I can't punch Riku out of no where! He'll think I've lost it!**

Whoa, easy with the volume! Ugh, you're killing my skull!

**Ergh, is there a mirror in here?**

Yeah, in the corner-wait, NO! Nuh uh, I see where this is going! I am not looking in it! You freaked me out last time.

**Last time it made it easier for me to pull you into my world of dreams. I won't do that this time, I just want to talk to you face to face. I can't do it unless you look in the mirror.**

Hmmm, I don't trust you.

**Your headache will disappear if you do it.**

And of course you mention it now.

Well, it's between a killing headache and a killing mirror. Hmm, death by glass or head trauma. Hmmmmmm . . .

Death mirror it is.

So, with these thoughts painfully rolling through my head, I walk over to the corner of the room. Ah, and there's the lovely piece of glass. And look, it's Sora! "Hey there," I say, waving.

He smiles at me and waves back. "See, isn't this easier?"

"I don't know, not too fond of seeing you covered in blue bruises and that bloody hole in your chest." I narrow my eyes. "Wait, that's not blood . . . it's too bright to be blood . . ."

Sora looks away from me in the strange world of glass. "Right, well it's not."

"Ugh, you're still losing light? After all this time?" I frown.

"Well, a little." The only word I can think of to describe Sora's grin at the moment is this: Sheepish.

I sigh and rub my forehead hard, as if that will erase the stress mounting on me from all sides. "Alright, look. We seriously need to figure out how to solve this problem with Riku."

Sora frowns. "I'm not hitting him, and neither will you."

"Ugh, alright. I won't, happy? That still doesn't change things here."

"Right. Well, I'll think of something. Just give me one more day, kay?" He stares straight into me, eyes open and sincere. "I promise I'll talk to him then."

"You promise?" I narrow my eyes. "Because last time you made a promise you broke it, Sora." I turn away after saying that, letting my back face the mirror.

"Roxas . . . I really mean it this time. Please."

"Right, too bad I don't believe you."

Silence. I try not to let it get to me, but I feel a light pang in myself anyway. This is the downside to having your emotions linked. I don't know how to block stuff coming from Sora's side, and it really sucks. I'm trying hard to ignore him but the feeling keeps intensifying and I grit my teeth to keep from making a sobbing sound.

Ergh. Just. Keep. Staring. Forward.

"R-Roxas . . . " His voice cracks, sharp and poignant, as if it's made out of glass.

My back tenses and I bite into my bottom lip. The tears are building, God, I can't see a thing. No, don't look behind, don't give him the satisfaction of doing . . .

Gosh darn it! I can't do this.

I turn back around, wanting to wipe away the water bursting out of my right eye, but I decide not to make the obvious noticable by involving my hands. Sora's shaking and crying, it's like his face is frozen in an expression of terror. The hole in his chest expands slightly, striking me with it's contents, small streams of bright light.

Yes, that's right. I got hit with a stream of light. How did that happen? Simple.

Sora was standing in front of me. He's only a few feet away.

Out of the mirror, a mirror that's now shattered.

Hell. How in the freaking world did he do that? If I wasn't already crying I'd be shaking in fear right now, no joke! I'm serious. Maybe for some people this wouldn't seem like a big deal, but if a guy says he can't, you know, be physically outside your head you would freak out too if he's suddenly _right in front of you_, bleeding out from the chest, with pale skin and hollow eyes that scream agony, pain, misery, redemption. Like a strangled heart beat, I can't tell if my emotions making his heart pound from fear or if it's _his_ anxiety and stress causing my chest to do painful somersaults.

If the eyes really are the window to the soul then I can use only one word to describe what Sora is telling me. Help.

All these thoughts flash through my mind in a second and then I'm left gasping as he reaches out toward me. I don't know when the gasping turned into screams but I know when my throat starts protesting that an unnatural wail is shooting out from deep within, sucking up oxygen from my lungs.

I slump into his arms and feel a heavy darkness weighing on my eyelids. It doesn't feel like sleep, I can't fall asleep. I'm too scared for that. But . . . it's almost the same, the way my body (his body) is reacting. Weak, I feel so weak right now.

Sora starts talking to me again but I can't concentrate, can't differentiate what he's saying from the soft breaths that pass painfully out of my sore throat. My chest flares briefly again before my heart beat slows down, weeping inside my chest at the startled withdrawal of light.

Light, I can feel it leaving. I can't move, but I can feel it leaving slowly, like it's draining down a small hole.

A hole. My hole.

There's a hole inside my heart.

End of Journal Entry 5

xxxXXXxxxXXXXxx

Namine slowly opened her eyes, trying not to groan as her head pounded relentlessly. She shook her head once rapidly, fighting a moan and clawing at her hair, shivering as her legs twitched beneath her. _Ugh, I've been using my power too much._ She grunted and turned to stare at her original.

Kairi, snoring softly through lips pulled down in a frown. _Kairi . . . such a pretty name. It compliments Sora's name so well. _

_Kairi. Sora. _

_Sora and Kairi. Kairi and Sora._

Namine smiled sadly, muttering under her breath. "Pretty names." _Much more **pretty** than **Namine**. So much more pretty._

Kairi will save me though. _She'll . . . bring me home. End this burden, end this reign of madness that rests on me, I'll be free and she'll be whole. That's all I want, all I need._

_But why does she refuse, why won't she make me disappear? What's wrong with her? _

_She can wield a Keyblade, I sense the power within her._

_Why won't she strike me? Why won't she take back what's rightfully hers?_

_Why can't she **end** it already?!_ Namine hissed as her head throbbed with the unanswered questions. She sighed and looked at the rotten water marks on the floor from when Kairi had thrown up earlier. She could smell the leftover tension in the air, the hyper scent of sweat, stress, and fear. She sniffed once then made a face. _Maybe I'm trying too hard . . . I haven't reached her recent memories, maybe she doesn't know how . . . _

_Or she's just leaving me to rot and withstand this agony on purpose! She's knows what I want to do and she's mad and she doesn't want me inside her! _

_But . . . no, she wouldn't do that. She's kind. She's pretty. She's Sora's light. She is light._

_I'm a failure, a loser, in the way, dragging people down, unwanted, an eyesore._

_I'm **nothing**._

Namine touched her own forehead, wincing as the motion caused the chains to rub harshly against her wrists.

_No, I wasn't pushing too hard. I have to push more._

_Scaring doesn't work, it only makes her draw back within, away from me. How dare she ignore me._

_I'm a part of her. By myself I'm nothing, but inside her, I'm free. My body is breaking, I'm going to die unless she fixes her own heart._

_If I make her mad enough she'll only have one thought in her head. She'll kill me and then I'll go inside of her. She'll get stronger, then she can break out. She's **light**, Xemnas won't be able to hold her with his tricks._

_Have to do this, have to break her sooner, but not like this._

_Must make her angry. Anger will lead to strength, she'll defeat me, then everything will be right. Sora can get her back, I would have fulfilled my duties. Riku will stop feeling guilty, Diz's life won't be in vain, **Roxas**' life won't be in vain._ She cried then, for both her own misery and the weight of everyone before her. But her head was aching, throbbing, distracting.

Namine coughed loudly. She could barely repress a tremor as her stomach twisted. She tasted something warm and metallic when she licked her own lips. There was a pool of red settling near her feet.

"You're sick."

Namine's head snapped up and she blinked at Kairi. Kairi's voice had been quiet, low, and wary. Yet there had been a slight amount of compassion as well. It wasn't a, "You're crazy," kind of sick. It was just an, "Oh, you're sick. You should take it easy."

This reaction made Namine angry. She glared at Kairi, trying to produce the fear that her head wasn't letting her invent mentally. Just setting up a memory was making her brain scream with agony from the strain. She moaned loudly before spitting up a mouthful of blood. She closed her eyes tightly, biting against a bleeding bottom lip, knees knocking together. She didn't want Kairi to see her cry.

Kairi's face was tilted to the side. She was staring at Namine as if she were a broken doll. "Looks like you overworked yourself," she said, voice somewhat calm.

Namine opened her eyes again and narrowed them. With one slow, tense motion she wiped away the blood dribbling from her mouth. It was a pretty uncomfortable move as her hands were chained a few feet behind her. She had to lean back a lot just to reach her face. She didn't make a sound, eyeing Kairi with sullen eyes. _She knows I can't use my power right now. I have no control over her like this._

Kairi smiled bitterly, as if she had heard her Nobody's thoughts. "It takes a lot of energy making those visions, huh?" She laughed then, a nervous, shaky laugh.

Namine smiled at the sign of fear. "What makes you think I'm not doing it right now?"

"Your eyes . . . they're blue. In the visions your eyes are usually orange." Kairi shrugged, but it was easy to see from her face that she wasn't confident in her own theory.

Namine, on the other hand, was taking the idea to heart. _Orange eyes . . . Xemnas has orange eyes. And Saix, he has them too now._

_That's a bad sign. Is it really this dangerous for me to use my power repeatedly like this? It was never a problem before, I had to do stuff way more complicated when I was fixing Sora on a daily basis._

Suddenly her eyes flashed open, wide with terror. _No. Something happened when I woke up. Xemnas gave me something, said I would be a part of his Organization._

_What did he mean? Is it connected to me using my powers?_

Namine started shuddering violently. She could feel the poison inside, working it's way to her nonexistent heart. No, she didn't want to be a part of the Organization! Kairi had to end it, she would end it. She had to. Namine stopped moving and looked back at Kairi with a serious expression.

Kairi looked a little freaked, but she still stared back, mouth in a grim line. Namine shivered then closed her eyes. "Kairi, do you hate me?"

"I . . . uh . . . " Kairi turned away, staring at the rusted bars. "No." she looked back up. "I don't hate you. I got myself into this situation. I won't allow myself to blame you for something I could have avoided."

Namine blinked. She hadn't expected that answer. But it didn't matter, that wasn't what she needed. Kairi had to hate her, it would make the process easier for her in the end. _Ugh, why does she have to be so pure hearted? Why be kind to someone like me after I've put her through all this? _"I don't understand," Namine said.

Kairi sighed. "Look, I can't. I'm not going to make you disappear, whatever that means. I have more important things to do, like getting out of here." Kairi raised an eyebrow. "Don't you want to be free? Why not use your freaky visions on the guard?"

Namine's retort was fast and flat. "My abilities don't work on him or Xemnas. Only _you_ have the power to break out of here." _And I would be free. I would be free inside of you._

Namine was almost offended when Kairi dismissed her statement with a snort. "Yeah right, I can't do anything. You're the only one useful here. I'm just in the way. Bait." Her face shifted into an angry, red splotchy shape. "Just to get at Sora. I'm always just the stupid prize waiting to be used to bring his downfall. I. hate. it!" She started crying.

"You do have power, Kairi." Namine smiled at her. "Just _kill_ me and you can have Sora back."

Kairi gasped, violet-blue eyes widening into slits. "You're not making sense. First disappear, now kill?" She pulled at her restraints, an uncomfortable gesture for sure, just to get further away from the blonde witch.

"It's simple, Kairi. I'm _your_ Nobody. I was formed when you lost your heart and from parts of Sora's empty shell of a body when he was a heartless."

Kairi stared at her as if she had three heads. "I'm not killing anybody, I'm not doing anything to you! I just want to get out of this hellhole! If you're not going to help, then you can rot in this place for all I care. I'm not going to commit murder."

_She is so missing the point._ "It's not murder, Kairi. You're already broken, bringing me back inside you would fix everything." Namine was starting to sound desperate. "I must join you. Sora had to do that with Roxas, now you _must_ take me back into your heart. It's the only way we can stop Xemnas from hurting everybody."

"I can't. I don't know how." Kairi looked downright repulsed now and scared.

"It's not a complicated process!" Namine growled. "Either you stab me with a Keyblade or use your bare hands if you have to!"_ How could she not see the benefits! This is the **only** way._

_There's no other option, nothing else can be done. Just like there was nothing I could do for Roxas . . . _

_Roxas._ The memories of him, that stubborn idiotic jerk, settled in her head, almost making Namine whimper. She would never forgive herself for failing to find a way for him to have his own life, a body, a heart. She deserved the same fate as him.

"Namine . . . "

Both Kairi and Namine gasped. They continued to stare at each other, anxious breaths mixing into stale air as the jail cells closed them in closer. Namine frowned and looked away. "I never told you my name."

"No. You never did." Kairi sounded overwhelmed. "How did I know it?"

Namine shrugged. "It doesn't matter, Kairi. Whether you want to do it or not, the process is already starting." _And that's a good thing. I have to make sure this happens quickly before-_

Namine gasped as Saix roughly unchained her and dragged her by the arm out of the jail cell, leaving Kairi to stare in her direction with wide, penetrating eyes.

xxXXXXxxxxXXXXxx

Riku was starting to reach a breaking point, he could feel it. He couldn't decide who he was more disgusted at. Sora, for not listening, or himself for obvious reasons.

But no, that hadn't been what made him approach the breaking point. The fight was not what was crushing his soul into little splinters that racked up inside his chest.

No. What had surprised him was when he had walked back to Sora's room, hand shaking near the doorknob. He hadn't expected the door to be unlocked, and the sound of the door turning almost startled him. He just silently thanked the gods and quietly opened the door, wide enough for him to peak inside.

All hope of fixing their relationship, of fixing anything, vanished as he endured a new scene. Riku had opened up a sliver of light only to see his best friend frowning and talking to himself in the mirror. As if there was someone _actually_ there. But when Riku turned his head to see what was in the mirror, nothing appeared. Sora might as well had been talking to a wall for all that Riku saw.

He didn't stay to hear what Sora was saying. He simply shut the disturbing image from his mind and eyes and walked away.

Now he was sitting on the balcony of Yen Sid's tower. Yen Sid had modified the building slightly to allow for more people (with Cid's crew expected to come with new gadgets and whatnot).

Besides the living accommodations, their surroundings had stayed the same. A wide, natural field allowing them to see a vast screen of stars. Seas of stars, seas of worlds, countless worlds. Worlds Sora had managed to save (no thanks to Riku). Worlds that could possibly still need saving.

Riku covered his eyes, trying to wash away the images of his best friend talking to inanimate objects. The look in Sora's eyes . . .

_He's losing his mind._ Riku glared at the sky. But it doesn't matter._ He's still here, here away from that hellhole. We can bring him back, he's safe here, he'll heal._

"God, Sora." Riku started laughing. "God, if you go insane . . . "

Riku felt something burn in his chest, a strong desire to punch his fists through concrete. He wanted to rip something to shreds, just tear into it with his hands. Something to do.

All he knew for sure was that Xemnas would pay. He would pay dearly.

With this hardened resolve and body slack from released tension a single star glowed brightly in the distance, an ember that refused to die within the ashes of the galaxy. Patience, that was all Riku needed.

With these revolving thoughts and attempts at peace it was, of course, a bad time for Mickey to come outside and tell Riku that he had heard Sora screaming.

xxxXXXxxxXXxX

Journal Entry 6

I didn't pass out.

I don't really feel like I'm actually _here_, but I think I'm still awake.

I don't know, it's hard to tell. It's like I'm suspended in the water, like floating around with no weight. Moving in a way almost impossible since I know for sure that I'm lying on a bed. I had been on the floor before, but somehow now I'm here.

Shallow breathing, slightly forced at times. Shallow breathing . . . floating . . .

Wait, did I already say that? What did I just say a second ago?

"Roxas."

Who said that? That's-yes, it is _my_ name.

Something is shaking me. I open my eyes and I'm met with the ceiling and . . . blonde hair? Yes, blonde hair, sad blue eyes, he . . . ah! I remember now!

"Roxa-ah!" I cover Sora's mouth, pressing his body against the bed. I don't think about the fact that he's actually moving with a body, I can't deal with that. It would just give me another weird heart attack. I also ignore the hole in his chest (it's smaller) or his frightened blue eyes.

But my own chest? The crack that I can somehow feel throbbing against my heart? Oh, I can definitely focus on that. "What. The. Actual. Hell?" Of course, I start like that. If anyone is judging I suggest you look away now, it's going to get worse. "Damn you, Sora! Just when I think I can trust anything you say you do this!"

Sora's somehow maneuvers my hand, voice low and fragile. "Roxas, please, let me explain." He coughs.

"Explain?! No, just stop right there. I'm not falling for this crap again, you hear me? I'm done with this!"

"Roxas . . . I'm dying."

My retorts freeze in my throat and I slowly let go of him. "E-excuse me?"

Sora sits up, body sagging with the confession. He just blinks and stares at me, looking sad and messed up. Yellow blood drips from his mouth and chest before he covers his stomach with his hand. "I'm going to die," he repeats.

"I don't understand." I shiver and touch my chest where the heart is. "This is _your_ body. You're getting _better_."

Sora smiles at me but his eyes show bitterness. "Yeah, my body is." He looks down at his knees.

"Sora, just stop, alright? You're not going to die. Why would you die?" I sigh and cross my arms. "Look, if you needed more light you should have asked. You didn't need to do the trippy mirror stuff."

Sora shivers, still avoiding my face. "That wasn't _me_."

"If not you then who?" Intuition sparks inside my head, like clicking on a lighter. "It was_ him_, wasn't it? The black guy in that prison inside your head?"

"I . . . I don't know." He shivers again. "Light called to me and . . . now I'm here." He cries softly. "Roxas, I don't like fighting him. It _hurts_ holding him back. It hurts so much."

"Sora? Hey, calm down." I touch his shoulder, frowning.

Sora just laughs again, I don't think he heard me. "Roxas, how do you do it? How do you keep the darkness away?"

"Sora." I sigh. "Look, I'm just used to the darkness, alright? I worked around it, with it. I don't let it bother me though, it's just there. You can't keep it _all_ out all the time, alright?"

Sora trembles, his gaze haunted. "But what if it controls you, what then? What if it makes you do things?"

"Sora, is _he_ trying to make you do things?" I narrow my eyes. "You need help. You need to tell someone about this besides me."

"No!" His shout catches me by surprise. He continues on, voice more quiet. "That's what he wants. What Anti-me wants . . . no, no, no." Sora gets closer, gripping my shirt with a frantic expression. "Please, Roxas. Don't. Tell. Anyone."

"Sora . . . "

"Roxas, you have no reason to trust me, no reason to agree, but if you _tell_ anyone about Anti-Sora, he'll _destroy_ everything. He feeds off of people, he can sense things. You can't tell!"

I wince and grit my teeth. "Sora . . . " I lift my hand up slowly to his wrist. His hands are pale and bony, nails three inches longer, stabbing through my shirt and digging into flesh. "You're hurting me," I say as gently as possible.

Sora stares at me as if I just declared he committed mass murder. He stares at his hands, shaking. He looks devastated.

"Hey, it's just a scratch. Sora, I'm fine." I squeeze his hand lightly, partly to show support but also kind of to remind him to, well, take his hand away.

Sora shakes and a small, unstable smile spreads on his face. "He can feel it, the Anti-me . . . he can sense that you're in pain. He _likes_ it." Sora's hand shoots more into my stomach and I squirm, trying not to scream. Crimson lines soak up my shirt and betray me.

"Sora, snap out of it," I say, forcing the calm there, even though my mind is screaming, "Crap! Crap! Crap!" in my head.

Sora grunts, eyes shut tightly and face white with strain. With on quick move he pulls his claws out of me, panting as if he had just ran up a mountain. His eyes turn yellow for a second, then he collapses on the bed. It takes a few minutes for me to get enough courage to touch his him, fingers skimming through his blonde spikes. The moment I make contact with his skin his body disappears in a sea of white dust, settling near the palm of my mind.

I feel the extra weight of him settling in my head, a cautious kind of presence. It's like Sora is pacing back and forth up there in my head. I can't hear anything from him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me anyway. I can feel the guilt and anxiety just by staring at my own normal hands.

I frown and try not to worry about that. Sora's not going to die, I have to try to think positive on this. If I start to break now it will make things even harder for both of us.

But you know, I guess this was one of those times where the universe decides that I don't need breaks, because Riku opens the door in the next second, facial expression hard and firm. A uncompramising face. A brutal face. His eyes say everything and nothing, I can't tell if he's mad at me or just plain mad.

"We need to talk," he says, sitting next to me, shoulders rigid.

Ugh, everyone is on edge today! By the light. "Right," I say after swallowing. I know Sora isn't going to come in, not after what happened. I'm on my own here, and I'm screwed. For once though, I'm glad that I'm not mad myself. I'm too occupied with what happened to Sora earlier to make a big deal out of anything. Ugh, he better not have been serious about the dying part.

"Sora." The calm tone contrasts with the event that follows. Riku's slap nearly sends my body off the bed. It wasn't hard, and it didn't really hurt mind you, it was more of the shock of it. Sora stops his irregular pacing, freezing inside my head.

Well, now Riku has both of our attention. I look up, rubbing my cheek and stare at him.

He just blinks at me as if nothing happened. "Sora, I know you're hiding stuff from me. We both know it. I honestly don't know why in the hell you would do this after we just talked about being more open with each other." He sighs. "So what am I doing to make you nervous because, for some reason, I can't be trusted to hear what's going on."

Well, you just hit me for one, I think in my head. "I . . . I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous." It's a lame response, but it's better than what I was thinking. And as I said before, Sora isn't saying anything, despite hanging on to Riku's every word. I can tell, it's allowing me to focus more on him too.

Riku brings a hand up to my face, touching my red face. "I intimidate you?" he asks softly. Even though I can see Riku is trying, the anguish in his turquoise eyes _can't_ be hidden. He really has a lot to say, he must be bursting at the seams.

All I can do is be honest according to what I think Sora is feeling at the moment. "A lot of things intimidate me, Riku. You're one of them," I whisper. The hurt registers in his face and I backtrack quickly. "Not that that's a bad thing. I really do admire you. I just . . . I don't want anyone to get hurt, I don't want anyone to suffer. I just . . . I don't know." I sigh.

Riku closes his eyes. He then leans closer to me. I want to move away, but I stay still. I just hope he doesn't hit me again. Anticipation sparks within me, and I tense up just in case he hits me. Instead of violence, I feel Riku's lips press against my forehead. I gasp lightly as he wraps me in a hug.

"Sora . . . there's something you need to know. About Xemnas."

"Yeah?" I whisper.

"His castle, there's a shield around it. A dark, purple shield. We can't get through it." He lowers his head, facing me, eyes somewhat strained.

I stare straight into his eyes, trembling. "But I can."

Riku nods, giving me a small smile. Worry is shining in his eyes, sliding down his face in the form of silent tears. "Yes, Sora. You can."

* * *

**Wow . . . that was long. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Didn't expect it to take this long for me to post, but, well, school has captured my attention for the most part these days.**

**Well, enjoy the rest of your weekend.**


	7. Finally Fighting

**Chapter 6: Finally Fighting**

Riku decided to give Sora some space after that. It had been a tense few days for both of them, especially since Sora had to remain in bed for most of it due to a few new injuries. Riku didn't know how Sora had gotten hurt and he didn't ask. He figured it wouldn't have really helped, he already _intimidated_ his best friend enough as it is.

_Was I really different a few years before? I always sort of pushed him around, we were playful rivals. Then I messed things up when I opened that door._ Riku sighed, staring at the floor, hands habitually crossed. _Screw being curious, it always leads to something bad._

Riku tilted his head, watching Sora from afar. They were out in the open field, in the grassy areas by Yen Sid's tower. This world was a small one, it wasn't like they could venture far out to practice. Yen Sid could have easily made another room for them to train inside the tower. Nothing was impossible for a wizard of his stature.

But Sora had said that he wanted to go outside, and Mickey had agreed that the fresh air would do them both good (as Mickey insisted that Riku would watch over Sora to make sure nothing happened).

So this left Riku to stare at his best friend as he approached a makeshift dummy stuck in the ground a few feet away. His friend didn't feel well enough to bring out the Keyblade, but Riku could tell just from Sora's posture that he was going to make the most of this simplified combat practice.

Riku took in a deep breath, then sat on the ground. Watching, waiting, and hoping.

_Stay strong, don't break._ He blinked once, then chuckled at the sky. He couldn't tell whether the advice should be taken by Sora or himself. And maybe that was the point.

* * *

Journal Entry 7

It's been a few days.

Hearts hammering, yelling, shouting, heart beating . . . heart beating so slowly.

My heart is injured, Sora's heart is still in the process of healing. We've both been broken so many times, by circumstance and each other.

I've had a lot to think about over the past few days, sort of nothing else to do when you're stuck in a bed for the entire time. I would gladly go over the details but that in itself would put me to sleep, and now is not the time.

Right now I'm staring at a lifeless, brown sack. Stuck in the ground with a stick, I feel my hands clench upon staring at it.

I need this. I need this badly.

What do I need you ask?

The answer is simple.

Violence.

I run up to the dummy and strike at it with my fist, reveling in the feel of knuckles against a stuffed bag. Nice and sturdy, scraping against my fingers, sand shifting in the bag. It's a perfect sensation, hitting something without consequence. All just for guidance, all practice.

A stress relief, at long last.

I swoop in, kicking high where the target's face would be if it were a person. Again, sand shifting, hard, rough wool against shin. I dodge an imaginary hit then move my palm forward, hitting it directly in its spine.

The humanoid punching bag lurches forward and I pivot, kicking it back up and then go back to punching. My vision blurs with each new hit, angry tears run down my cheeks, mixing with the sweat as I continue to attack mercilessly. I don't stop the tears, don't quit to survey the damage, but I must have broken the bag because sand is flying everywhere.

It's raining, raining brittle sand pebbles and wool, and my grunts follow the drops as everything hits the air, hitting my chest. Some of it sticks to my clothes because they're wet with sweat, I was that worked up apparently.

Doesn't matter. I'm breathing too heavily to really care. I collapse on the ground, shaking with adrenaline. But there's a sense of peace in the aches in my hands and legs, a calm, silent sense of wholeness. I was in full control throughout all of this, fully in tune, just moving and attacking.

God, that felt so good.

I slowly rub my eyes then stop when I realize they're coated with dirt and sand. I must have been digging them into the ground or something. I sigh and decide to let the tears fall, let them cleanse my face. I close my eyes and _really_ listen to my heart beat (can't tell whose it is right now).

And then I start sobbing. But . . . it's not because I'm sad. Out in the air, out in the open, away from that stuffy room of death. It's so free here, so full of energy and light. Nothing dark outside, nothing clawing at me or pulling me towards the ground, towards _nothing_.

No shattering glass, no creepy reflections. Just my chest heaving in time with the air escaping from my lips. Just me outside, moving on my own. It's all so beautiful, so wonderful, so freeing.

I lay on the grass and look at the sky. The clouds are beautiful, everything . . . everything is beautiful.

My eyes close, and this time I know my sleep will be good this time around, it will be peaceful this time.

For the first time since Sora's let me borrowed his body, I feel . . . _alive_.

End of Journal Entry 7

xxXXXXxxxXXXXXxxxx

Kairi let out a loud yawn before lifting up her right leg to rub her own heel against her itchy calf. She wanted to lay down for once, she wanted to take a bath, she wanted to see the sunlight (not that it would even be possible in this bleary fortress).

But above all she wanted to get rid of the guilt festering at her chest. It annoyed her to no end. If Sora could see her at the moment he would have embraced her and told her not to worry. He would tell her that this wasn't her fault. Riku would say something similar, probably rubbing her shoulder.

They would fight to rescue her. Again, she was the meaningless prize, a captivating shard of latent power hidden in her heart that prevented her from becoming a heartless. But right now, in this grimy cell, all she could do was wait.

Wait. She left the islands so that she could avoid this. _How ironic,_ She thought bitterly before placing her feet down and slouching into the wall. _And stupid, what a stupid decision that was. Leaving._

Kairi was too tired to cry but her eyes were still stinging with shame and desolation. "I need to get out of here before I lose it," She muttered, barely missing the creaking sound as Saix entered the room. His footsteps were precise and light, definitely not as poignant as Namine's shuffling footsteps. Her eyes were dull and resigned, barely visible because of her unruly strands of blonde hair marred with dirt. Her white dress was coated with brown spots, cluttering near the torn fringes of fabric at the end of the dress by her thighs. She walked into the cell, feet bare, then let Saix chain her back to the wall.

Kairi watched all of this, blinking twice, then looked at the ground, feigning indifference. _What have they been doing to her for all this time? Wait, how much time has even passed? A day? More?_ She frowned, trying to add the hours in her head. All her concentration left the moment Saix closed their cell bars. She flinched, licking her lips before looking at Namine.

Namine was staring back at her, but it wasn't a look of indignation or expectation. "Okay, Kairi. I'll help you."

Kairi's voice was quiet. "Help me do what?"

"Escape. Get out. Whichever you prefer." Namine sighed. "Just . . . if I do this, then you have to help me too."

"I'm not going to kill you," Kairi said, voice firm.

Namine shrugged. "Fine. Then you'll just have to deal with me. I'm sick, remember?" Her smile was bitter. "The more I use my power the closer I get to becoming a vegetable. I won't be able to function very well. I hope you don't mind caring for me when that happens."

Kairi swallowed. "No. I won't mind because we'll find another way. You don't have to burden yourself with what Xemnas wants. You . . . not even you deserve that."

Namine's smile was crooked now. "That easy huh? Just assert yourself and things go your way?"

"I'm not saying it will be easy, but a little belief goes a long way." Kairi's smile was nearly identical to Namine's now. "We'll figure out a way to break through here. You seem resourceful, after all you'd have to be with all those creative visions you make."

"But . . . that's something I get from you. Those visions . . . they're just parts of your memories." Namine shrugged. "What I do isn't special."

"Namine . . . " At this moment, Kairi would have liked to place her hand on her companion's shoulder, but she couldn't of course. It was the only time she really regretted being chained up. "That, that isn't . . . "

"Don't say it, Kairi." Namine closed her eyes, looking away. "Let's not talk about it now. I'd like to sleep if you don't mind, haven't been able too since they took me out."

Kairi gasped, embarrassed that she hadn't considered this possibility. "Oh, right. Of course. We'll talk later then." As her Nobody fell asleep though, Kairi's doubts grew.

xxxXXXXXxxxXXXXxx

Riku couldn't stop the smile that came to his lips as he watched Sora snore on the ground. _He really worked himself up. _

Sora's body was covered with sand and dirt, legs splayed across the ground and arms flopping to the side, embraced in grass. His face was serene, almost glowing as the sunlight hit his face.

Riku knelt beside him, moving his hand through his friend's crazy hair. "Still a lazy bum I see," Riku said in memory of their time at the islands.

He continued moving his hands through Sora's hair, letting the memories flow. Wooden sword fights, wrestling in the sand, water fights, sticky fruits, tree houses . . .

A raft, items, friendships. Riku sighed, leaning over Sora, shaking. _Everything . . . how could it all change so drastically?_ He breathed in through his mouth loudly, feeling his eyes moisten.

It was getting a little more windy now. The breeze blew his hair up, making Riku lift one hand to wipe away his bangs. He would have to cut it soon. Again. He sighed and stood up warily, looking at the sky. His arm jerked forward as a hand gripped his wrist, holding him down.

Riku's eyes widened while Sora blinked at him.

xxxXXXXxxxXXXXxxx

Journal Entry 8

When I felt a shadow come across my body, blocking the sun, I was almost worried. I should have realized that it was Riku, but for some reason my mind had blanked out.

Either that or I fell asleep, which makes sense considering who I am after all.

Well, it didn't really matter which one it was, what mattered was that Riku had to interrupt all of it with his hands, messing with my hair. Seriously? Why does everyone want to do that? What makes Sora's hair so irresistible that it has to be touched?

I sigh and moan, turning away from Riku. "You woke me from my nap, moron," I say, though it sort of sounds muffled towards the end cause my face is pressed against the ground now.

Riku laughs. No, I mean he _really_ laughs. I'm in too good of a mood to confront him about it, but he ends up making me do it anyway by turning me back towards him. "You're going to sleep here? All messed up like that?"

I pout. "Yes. I'm sleeping here. Got a problem with that?"

"Nope. I understand. Too lazy to head up a couple of stairs, I get you." He smirks.

Oh, for the love of all that is formed. "Riku, go jump off of something," I murmur, hugging myself into a ball. No, I don't care how pathetic I look right now. The grass might as well be the silkiest cushions in a sea of fluff.

Riku taps his foot beside my head, utterly ruining my attempts at sleep. "That felt good, didn't it? Destroying that practice dummy . . . "

Wow . . . Riku must really _not_ want me to sleep right now. Bah, whatever. "Yeah, it felt good." I sit up, stretching and yawning. My arms drop at the end of it and I slouch forward, rubbing my eyes. I feel the dirt coating my face as I scrub but it doesn't bother me. In fact, I just rub more onto my face. The earth smells nice, a cool musky scent that reminds me of life. I start giggling, but it immediately turns into a frown as I see Riku's smug expression. "What?" I ask.

Riku's smirk widens. "Nothing."

"No! Tell me what you're thinking!" It doesn't help that I'm pointing at him. It makes the whole situation seem more childish. Not that I wasn't being childish, but . . . ugh, I have standards! Yeah, let's go with that.

Riku shrugs, still giving me that annoying grin, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets. "Nothing. You're just reminding me of how lazy you used to be, that's all."

Lazy?! "Lazy my butt!" I jump up and shove him, playfully mind you. Of course he has to be cocky and push me back, and I fall to the ground in a small heap. "Wha?!"

Riku covers his mouth and looks away. "You should see your face," He says, and he shuts his eyes, body shaking with laughter I assume.

I roll my eyes and stand again. "You got lucky that time." I attempt to push him again but he jumps away. Unfortunately for me, I put a little more force than I thought into my attack so I ended up tripping and falling to the ground when he moved. I spit at the ground.

"Not so easy when you're facing the real thing, is it?" Riku says. He's not even trying to hide anything now. He's openly gloating.

I growl and stand. "Quit teasing!" I run up and try to grab him, but he moves away. I reach for him again and he sidesteps. I turn around and he's turns, standing behind my back. I gasp and spin, but he reacts by doing a roll and getting behind me again. How did he get so fast?

"This is sort of getting repetitive, Sora."

"Shut up! You're cheating!"

"How am I cheating? I'm being fair, I haven't even touched you yet."

"Why are you so annoying?"

"That's actually my line technically. Oh, and you still aren't getting anywhere."

"Crap!"

"You complain a lot more too."

Uggghhhhh! I randomly just start chasing him and then it turns into a demented race. Every time I get close, he speeds up. Just when I'm about to grab his shirt, he laughs and jumps to the side before turning around. I see the moisture sticking to his shirt and pants as more sweat runs down his forehead, shining from the sunlight. I'm sure I look just as bad. It's a strange sensation, feeling all that oily stuff run down your back.

I'm noticing everything now. The way he waits for the last second to move, the way his hair bounces as he runs, the bushes rustling when he passes them, the dirty pebbles flying from his feet as he runs.

It all begins to mix together and soon we're just running around in circles wildly. I'm pumping my arms probably more forcefully than I need to, and my legs are going up in stride, knees lifting as high as I can. It's hard to explain, but I wanted to push myself to the limit. How fast can this body go? How hard can I press my feet into the ground before I collapse again?

But soon my mind shifts to a new focus. Catch Riku, gotta catch up, I'm getting closer, don't lose sight of him.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

We're running in sync now, side by side. He's breathing just as hard as I am now, maybe even harder. At one moment we glance at each other, wide blue against green, then I let out a yell and jump. From the way his mouth opens up and his eyes flare I know I've surprised him.

I wrap my arms around him tightly and our momentum carries us downward, rolling us in dirt, ripping up the grass, shaking us briefly before we both collapse against the ground. The breeze is especially welcoming now, cooling us off rapidly as we gasp and exhale into the sky.

I moan dramatically and do a weird looking fist pump. "You . . . are . . . crazy . . . " Is all I can say as my hand falls to my chest, flopping there like a hanging noodle in a ramen bowl.

"Crazy? Me?!" Riku sits up, taking a few deep breaths before staring at me like I have two heads. "You jumped me!"

"Well . . . You were asking for it." My mouth twitches into a smirk and then I start laughing. Hard, brutal laughter that leaves my sides hurting and my knees shaking badly.

Riku just keeps staring at me until I quiet down, trying to keep a straight face. But in the end he shakes his head, smiling, then he turns away. "I'm going to ignore you now."

"Yes! Sleep!" I do two fist pumps and Riku mutters something about immaturity. I stick my tongue out at him before placing my hands behind my head, keeping my mind blank, truly not caring about nothing.

And it's fun to say. Nothing. Nothing on my mind, nothing to worry about, nothing to see, nothing to think about.

Simple. Pure. Nothing.

**Right.**

Huh? Oh hey, I haven't seen you in a while. Ergh . . . I mean heard. I'm tired, okay?

**Ha ha, I can see that.**

Yeah. Ahem.

So . . . were you sleeping all this time?

**Not really, just thinking.**

That's a long time to think.

**Shut up.**

Yeah, yeah, I was going to. Now, if you excuse me, since your friend is appeased I'd like to go off into la la land.

**Hmmmm, well, there was a message I was supposed to pass on, but I guess it can wait.**

Wha?! A message? Why didn't you say that earlier?

**I . . . I didn't want to interrupt. **

You mean the thing Riku was doing with me? I wouldn't have mind. Heck, did you see how fast I was going? And then I jumped and his face was like, 'Aww, crap!' Ha ha ha!

**You had fun then?**

Yeah . . . I guess I did. Huh. Never expected to say that about any event including Riku.

**I'm glad.**

Uh huh. Um . . . Sora, you do know that I forgive you, right?

**Yeah . . . **

Hey? I see you back there. I can feel what you're feeling right now, you know. Relax a little, alright? I'm so far from mad right now, really. You could say anything.

**No, it can wait. Go ahead and rest.**

Hmmm, only if you do it too.

**Ugh, really?**

Yes really. It feels weird when you're moving up there while I sleep.

**Oh. Sorry, I didn't realize.**

Don't apologize, Sora. Come on, get a mental teddy bear or something. Nap time!

**Wha?! I don't have a teddy bear.**

Sora sleep. Now. Serious message stuff tomorrow, kay?

**Okay.**

Good.

End of Journal Entry 8

* * *

**Well, this was slightly different. **

**Ha ha, but I had a lot of fun writing this. Nothing too mind-jerking I hope, I know the last chapter was pretty messed up, so I calmed things down for you guys in this one. :)**

**Thank you all for reading this far, I hope your weekend is going swell.**

**Justice**


	8. Hurtful Letters

**Chapter 7: Hurtful Letters **

In the world of eternal darkness Ansem was, predictably, starting to grow bitter. Anyone would if exposed to a dreary landscape such as this on a daily basis, but there were other reasons for his dour sentiments.

He had yet to get the newcomer to speak (yet, he couldn't really label the stranger as a newcomer. Though time was obsolete in their perspectives, it had to be at least a month since the man had landed). Hood drawn, shoulders always tense when the scientist approached, these behaviors made Ansem visibly see that he was unwelcome.

Most people probably would have taken the hint and left the whole situation alone, but Ansem was curious. Why would this stranger feel so adverse to the scientist's presence? What had Ansem done to deserve this treatment?

_He probably worked for me,_ Ansem thought before walking towards his unwilling companion. He could make out a few strands of bright red hair before his view was blocked by the person's hunched back and shoulder. In fact, the hooded figure was leaning from his sitting position on a rock, as if he were shielding something from the air itself.

Ansem took a few more steps before stopping right behind the strange man (though he had a pretty good idea of who the person was now). "What are you doing?"

"Writing," his companion muttered.

If Ansem was surprised that his question was actually being answered with anything but silence, he didn't show it. He crossed his arms. "We don't have any writing utensils here, let alone paper."

A soft chuckle refuted him before the hood came off, revealing red spiky hair that seemed to glow as the man finally turned, facing Ansem for the first time. "Oh, it's possible. Who said I needed a pen to write?" He laughed then and lifted a golden, glowing parchment to the sky, tilting his head to get a better look.

"Ah . . . that's quite a find. You've always had a rare knack for picking up the rare qualities of an object." _Or a person,_ Ansem thought. "How did you do it?"

"I had a little help . . . from his light." The hood came back up as the golden scroll was rolled up. He then pressed his hands against it, smashing the paper to dust, then blew into his hands. Millions of small fireflies rose from his finger tips then trailed across the sky, moving in a straight line across the sea. "There. That should do it."

Ansem blinked once at the anomaly. "I see . . . a message then?"

"Yes."

Ansem turned his head, watching the figure walk away. He was 90% sure of the man's identity, so he risked calling him by name. "Impressive work, _Lea_. Very few of us have the power to transmit our feelings through light, let alone touch it." _Not that there are many of us here to begin with,_ Ansem noted bitterly.

It was, indeed, a sad thing to think about. In his experiences throughout the Dark Region Ansem had noticed many things about the atmosphere within their small, dreary world. It sucked the essence out of it's occupants; eventually they would transform into a special type of heartless and join the hollow void at the center of the island. It started with draining the light, the very core of who they were as people.

Most newcomers were afraid of being corrupted and overtaken by the darkness, but Ansem had one case to present the flaws in that common theory. Aqua had been trapped in the Dark Region for about ten years now, yet she was losing light at a faster rate than Ansem who, in contrast, should have lost more since this was his second time falling into the Dark Region. Along with light, darkness was also taken away slowly from the human heart. A humanoid shell was left instead to forever be consumed by the dark dregs of the island.

Despite her purity and strength, Ansem could see Aqua slipping. She denied the process vehemently, but in the few days since his return Ansem had seen the changes in her demeanor. It wouldn't be long now.

_To think that I would end up here, in the same place as where my research landed me, all for a little revenge._ Ansem frowned then turned away, facing the ocean. After a few seconds he froze, feeling someone tap his shoulder.

"That . . . name you said before. Lea . . . " There was a pause before his companion spoke again. "That is my name, right?"

Ansem nodded. "Yes. It is your _true_ name. However, for a very long time you used to be known as Axel."

"Why?" Even with his hood down Ansem could clearly see the wild, red hair.

"Because when you are a Nobody your identity is morphed, so most must change their name to reflect the change." Ansem squinted, making out the faint glow of what had once been a glowing paper in the distance. "What did you say in your message?"

"Ah . . . well, isn't it obvious?" Lea (as Ansem labeled him) now had a small crooked smirk on his face.

"Well, we honestly were never in contact for many years prior to Xemnas' relentless recruitment missions. I've missed a lot, as what seems to be a common occurence in my old age." He had to crack a smile at himself when he was done speaking.

Lea in turn looked up at the sky, still smiling. "I didn't really write anything down, it's more of a _feeling_ really." He chuckled. "He'll know though and that's what's important."

"He? Do you mean Sora?"

A long beat of silence met the crashing waves as they stood stiffly in the crystal sands, gazing at the merciless black sky. It would be five minutes before Lea spoke again, and his response was as enigmatic as his behavior had been on the island thus far. "I guess, in a way, that's true. But in the end even he is just a messenger."

* * *

**{Within Sora}**

**_Huh, so here you are. Haven't seen you in a while. Is this going to be another one of those staring matches again? It's sort of getting annoying to be honest._**

_I can't believe you. I just can't believe it._

**_Can't believe it? That's a first. And here I thought you were a gullible dimwit. I stand corrected._**

_Urgh, why? Just, what do you think you're doing?! Stop hurting Roxas!_

**_Come on, Sora. Let's be real here. What is Roxas? That's right, just spit it out._**

_He's . . . he's my Nobody, but-_

**_Exactly. He's a Nobody. He wasn't even supposed to _EXIST_. Do you understand? Do you know what that means?_**

_Yes, I know what it means! I know! I KNOW, OKAY?!_

**_Shouting, great way to get your point across. You know, this is only going to hurt you both in the long run. You guys should have just merged the RIGHT way, but of course you guys decided to screw it all up for everyone and now it's just going to be pulling teeth from here on out. But that's alright, I can wait. I can play this game._**

_It's not a game._

**_I can do this for years, remember? Just gotta push in the right directions. I can already see all the cracks. You've become so fragile, Sora._**

_I would say shut up, but I'm getting tired of doing that._

**_Ha ha, is that so?_**

_Yeah . . . I'm getting tired of a lot of things . . ._

**_Hmm, then why fight back? I'm being genuinely honest here. Seriously._**

_I don't trust you._

**_But I'm _you_. Sheesh, how ironic, right? If not anyone else, you should at least be able to trust yourself, Sora. Forget Roxas, forget Riku. Kairi too. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror and smile then what are you?_**

_I used to be able to smile. It's gotten harder, but . . . I'm far from done. It's going to take more than that to take me down. You scared me before, but that won't work on me anymore. I won't let you _touch_ Roxas again._

**_Hmmm, why do I feel like I heard this before? You honestly think after what just happened Roxas will even trust you, Sora? Man, it's a double wammy! You've forsaken yourself twice. It's almost sad . . ._**

_Shut it._

**_Bite me._**

_Ugh . . ._

**_Really, though, why are you here? You always hate talking to me._**

_I don't know._

**_That's interesting. Most people don't say that to the guy they're trying to keep locked up._**

_Yeah, well, that didn't work last time. So . . . I have a different idea now._

**_Hmmm, I'm intrigued. Does it involve submitting?_**

_No. Why would I do that? What do you think I am, an idiot?_

**_Yeah._**

_. . ._

**_Hey, it's the truth. You're pretty pathetic. Threatening your own Nobody just to feel secure . . ._**

_What are you talking about?_

**_You know, the whole "I'm going to die" squeal. That was sort of messed up. Even if it was true. Heh . . . scary stuff._**

_What do you care if I disappear?_

**_Well, if you disappear, I do too._**

_Wait, what?_

**_You heard me. Kill yourself and I'll go away. Think you have the guts?_**

_That's . . . that's . . . no . . ._

**_I thought so._**

_I can't do that. My friends worked so hard to rescue me, Roxas let go of his own life, even Axel . . . I won't do anything like that, it dishonors everyone. Especially myself._

**_And here I thought you didn't care._**

_I do. I'm just . . . tired._

**_Yep. And the battle continues. One player is already slipping, and it happens to be the golden knight in shining armor too. Man, I love this! Roxas is actually stronger and he was born from the shadows. Imagine that. You hear that, Sora? This should bring on some revelations about light and darkness, eh? Think you'll change your mind?_**

_You already know the answer to that._

**_Please, you could barely merge correctly with Roxas, and that was supposed to be a union of light. Think about how cool it would be if you and I merged? The possibilities are literally endless!_**

_No! Never! Not in a million years!_

**_You're not even considering my side! Humph, I feel offended! You don't even know what I want to do!_**

_Probably something nasty and evil._

**_Does killing Xemnas fall into that category?_**

_Yes-wait, Xemnas? What now?_

**_Xemnas. You know, the guy that nearly killed your precious little witch. The guy who tortured you with a glowing red orb on a stick. The guy who has Kairi. Yeah, killing him is the first thing on my list._**

_And . . . and the other things?_

**_Come a little closer, I'll show you._**

_No . . . I like it better out here, outside the bars._

**_Quit being a coward and take my hand. It's not going to hurt, I just want to show you something._**

_It's just a trick._

**_You always choose the worst times to be a pessimist, you know that? Just hurry up and grab my damn hand!_**

_It . . . it won't hurt?_

**_Not anymore than you're hurting now. Come on._**

_A-alright._

**_Yep, keep coming. See, you don't even have to get in the cage. I'm sticking my hand out for you, see?_**

_I'm not a baby._

**_Well, you're moving as slow as one. Come on, you've got legs!_**

_I can't believe I'm actually doing this._

**_Pfft, you can't believe a lot of things. Just reach!_**

_Almost . . ._

**_That's it, you're right-_**

**_OOOOOWWWWWWWWW! What the hell?! What. The. Actual. Hell?!_**

_Gah! That burns! Uhn . . ._

**_What did you just do?! Dammit, Sora! Urgh!_**

_I'm . . . this wasn't in my hand before . . .OW!_

**_Quit touching it, moron! Sheesh, what is that thing?_**

_It's . . . a piece of paper._

**_A piece of paper. You stabbed me with a piece of freaking paper?! What is this, paper cuts?! That was your great idea? You just served to piss me off even more! Damn . . ._**

_I told you it wasn't in my hand before! You never listen!_

**_Whatever. Just . . . what does it say?_**

_It has Roxas' name on it. I don't think it's for us._

**_Seriously? We both get fifth degree burns as a gift and you're telling me you're not going to look at the damn thing cause it doesn't have your name on it?!_**

_Well, I don't think I could pick up the thing long enough to read it anyway. We should just leave it alone for now._

**_This sucks. Fine, whatever! leave my presence! I don't want to see your stupid face anymore! Damn, that hurt . . ._**

_And you said I was pathetic._

**_Are those tears I see? Yes? You don't get the right to be a smart ass, idiot!_**

_Well, it doesn't hurt that much anymore._

**_Stupid, freakin' fast light healing properties. Uncool._**

_Think you might change your mind? Plenty of room on the good side._

**_Were you not paying attention to what_ just_ happened? If I joined you creeps I would turn into a filthy pile of ash._**

_Even more reason to join._

**_I'm beginning to remember why I hate you._**

**{Portal has been closed}**

* * *

**Here we are! I hope you all enjoyed reading! Reviews and critiques have been much appreciated :)**

**Until next time guys, hope you're all having a wonderful summer so far!**

**Justice**


	9. In Dire Need of Trust

**Chapter 8: In Dire Need of Trust**

Namine felt almost relieved when she opened her eyes and saw Kairi still laying within sleep's embrace. Her red hair looked frizzy and fell across her face in uncompromising waves. Matted with dirt and grime, the bloody color still shined in the darkness. Her pink summer dress was falling apart also, the zippers hanging in odd direction while her white shirt had a grey tinge to it.

Namine's only hope for escape was in the hands of this broken girl. Even if Kairi was her _Somebody_, Namine could feel the doubt stabbing deftly in the tainted air. Their chances were slim at best, but they were desperate enough to try.

_Always desperate. Always._ "How am I going to do this?" Namine mumbled absently to herself. They were already short on time. Xemnas had taken much joy in explaining exactly how Namine's body would shut down. Talked a lot about how the poison inside of her would affect her brain cells and so on. She was literally a rotting corpse in the very early stages. The process was only accelerated when she used her own unique abilities.

Namine didn't know how much she had left in her, but she automatically knew that big illusions involving anyone's memory would be out of the question._ And good riddance to that. I'm sick of messing with people's heads. No one should have that kind of power. No one._ She sighed and scratched at her hair, glaring warily at Kairi.

There was only one way that Namine could see. A very slim, miniscule chance of having any success. Kairi would have to learn to summon her Keyblade from will. From searching within memories Namine knew that Kairi had been given the power. It was faint and dormant, locked deep within because she had never used the blade in her entire life.

But it stirred inside of her, boiling lightly in her bloodstream. The unused magic seeped out of her in minute streams, waiting to be acknowledged. Namine found herself gasping with awe as she stared longer at Kairi. _She's so beautiful. It's amazing that she's not even aware off all that. Such pure, raw energy . . . _

_I wish I could have that much potential. I wish I could produce something that beautiful. _

_A Keyblade is a beautiful instrument. It has always brought people hope. I only bring despair and confusion._ A tear slipped down her face and she blinked._ No, I have to stop doing that. Crying won't get us anywhere and it would be worse if she sees me break. I have to be a good example. I need to be stronger so that she can surpass me._

_Maybe . . . maybe I can create a scenario where she will be forced to release it. It should be easier now to create an illusion since she's sleeping._

With these encouraging thoughts, Namine opened her eyes a little wider. They were golden as she worked to find an opening, a slit in Kairi's dreams that could serve as an entrance. Kairi shuddered briefly just as Namine felt herself being pulled in.

Inside the dream Kairi was sitting on the beach, staring out at the ocean with sullen eyes. Namine walked towards her slowly, wincing lightly with each step. Just forming an illusion of herself approaching hurt, but she pushed onwards. "Kairi?"

"Are you here to scare me?" Kairi asked softly. She hadn't turned from her position in front of the water.

Namine sighed. "No. I have something else planned. It's . . . to help you escape."

"Escape?" Kairi chuckled. "From what? There's nothing dangerous here. It's the beach, I'm safe here."

It was how most of her dreams started. A body of sand, a calm ocean, radiant rays of sunlight. Namine had grown bored of the island a long time ago after countless trips through both Sora's and Roxas' memories. A bland place to her now, she almost felt cynical enough to denounce Kairi's assessment (as every nightmare she invented for her started this way), but Namine chose to play along instead. "For now you're safe, that's why we have to prepare. You need to be ready for when something bad happens."

"I don't understand. What's going to happen?" Kairi was facing her now, fear detectable on her bright features.

"Nothing. Well, nothing if you cooperate." Namine crossed her arms, trying to muster as much determination in her tone as she could in this state. "Kairi, you _will_ learn to summon your Keyblade. You must." Namine's lips pulled up into a rough smile. "Even if it kills me."

xxXXXXxxxxXXXxx

Riku stabbed the humanoid dummy with his Keyblade, grunting slightly before pulling his blade out roughly where the target's heart had been located. He immediately spun, launching a medium firaga spell at another moving target behind him. He had reached level nine on the difficulty setting in Yen Sid's elite training simulation. Level twenty was the ultimate goal, but lately he kept getting knocked out before he reached the teens.

Even now, early in the game he was panting and clutching his chest. Various heartless holograms appeared, most shooting ice but some of them were the warrior types. Riku did a roll, dogding three of the ice blasts while a stray heartless went for his ankles. He jumped back, eyebrows twitching lightly as his Keyblade mercilessly tore the creature in half.

This went on for a while. The heartless that possessed magic and flew were the hardest to hit only because Riku wasn't, admittedly, the best jumper. He had a good aim, but every time he moved to shoot a spell his side and chest would be open to about a dozen other attacks from the ground. Taking out the bottom generally led the player to freedom.

But Riku was tired. In a combination of dignity and pride, he neglected his body's demands for rest. The few hours he had snagged took place outside the tower, back when Sora had wrestled him onto the ground. That was eight hours ago and now Riku was fighting about thirty enemies along with his own inner pleas for sleep. This bitter conundrum resulted in a strike out at level thirteen where Riku had been stabbed ten times by dual attacks from three dusks.

Pain. Virtual pain, but still enough to fool the exhausted mind. He left the room more than unsatisfied, legs dragging in a pitiful slide that made a statement. Rest. But priorities come first. Riku ignored his body for the fifth time that day, opening the special door that led to the extra room made possible only by magic. He stared at Sora's sleeping form. His friend's clothes were speckled with brown and green, testaments to the pointless race they had with each other earlier.

As Sora snored, grimy arms flopped every which way over the edge of his bed, Riku couldn't help but smile.

xxXXXXXxxxXXXXXxxx

Journal Entry 9

I open my eyes, staring at the sun. Back on the clock tower, back where the sunset always paints the sky and where I always tilt my head to look out over the edge, never afraid, though, of falling. I'm wearing the baggy Organization cloaks, same ole black. But it's comfortable, I feel comfortable. Sunset, breeze, train tracks in the distance, coat . . . what's missing here?

"Here you go," a girl says, voice soft and light. I don't even flinch as the king of all ice creams (in popsicle form) is jabbed in front of my face.

I smirk and take the bar. Routine, same. Never changing. I suck on the sweet, cool treat and let the flavor swirl in my tongue, let it take me far away. Somewhere without pain, somewhere that says _I belong_ and isn't ashamed of it. The taste is just as poignant as I remember, that salty aftertaste after a barrage of sugar hype. God, I love it.

But Xion's smile is brighter, her eyes full of excitement and joy at seeing me eat. Her lips are stretched wide in a natural smile and her feet dangle over the edge of the tower (always sitting precariously on the edge. No fear, there's never fear). "I'm happy."

I suck loudly before pulling the treat out of my mouth, eliciting a popping sound. "Why?" I ask lightly.

Xion tilts her head, eyes softening. "Because you're happy."

It's a simple answer, but it also holds so much depth. Doing something just to see another person's smile. It's about the purest thing there is. It's a sappy thing to say out loud, but it's the truth. "Well, duh. Of course I'm happy, why wouldn't I be?" I shrug, going back to eating the ice cream to make up for the lie.

It's a noble effort, but there's still the bitter salt. There's still reality after all. It's calm and more manageable, but . . . I don't think I'm happy. But hey, this is my dream. I'm not going to ruin it with my own musing. It's a good thing I'm eating ice cream right now. Ice cream makes everything easier.

Don't believe me? Imagine it, for a sec. Yes, even if you don't like ice cream, pretend like you're sane and you're holding that picture perfect dairy treat. Appreciate the shape of it, tilt your head if you have to (and take off that silly cap if it's obstructing the view). Then slowly, and I mean _slowly_ bring it towards your face and lick that piece of heaven from the bottom up to the top.

Ah . . . did you feel that? I think I had a mini-melt down there. That. Was. Perfection. Oh . . . . sheesh, did I just moan?

"That is disgusting."

Everything crashes down. The feeling of the sun, Xion's smile, the ice cream in my hand. Everything good in this world has come to a crashing halt. That voice. That. Voice.

I turn slowly and look up. My mouth opens on its own accord and I shudder as green, vibrant eyes stare me down. Axel tilts his head, his mouth roughly forming a smirk. His eyebrows are slightly raised and he wrinkles his nose. It's the face he makes when he's trying to cover up a different expression, usually disgust. "What?" he asks.

I don't even notice when the ice cream slips from my fingers, tumbling over the edge. "Axel . . . " I croak out before scooting backwards with my hands and bent legs. "Axel . . . "

He frowns at me. "Hey, what's wrong with you?" He reaches towards me, but I flinch away from his hand.

It's not . . . he's dead . . .

Wait, what am I doing? This . . . it's only a dream. Why is it so hard to look at him, even now? I mean, it's Axel!

"Roxas?" Now Xion looks worried. She stands, walking over to where Axel is, staring at me with questioning blue eyes. Next to the vibrant, green penetrating glare I shiver and close my eyes tightly so that I don't have to see either of them.

"No," I whisper. "This isn't right. No."

"Roxas, quit playing around. Seriously, what did I do?"

"Shut up! Stop talking!" Oh, his voice. God, that voice . . . "Go away! Just go!"

He mutters my name again and something else but I drown out most of it with a chant, speaking rapidly. My eyes are shut tightly and I'm covering my ears with my palms, shaking my head rapidly. In my head I command, I order, I call out, I beg . . .

Go away, just go away, please go away, go away, go away, get out of my head, please go away . . .

Over and over, I don't know what I'm saying but I can't hear his . . . ugh, I can't do it! "Just go away, please go away," I mumble.

When I hear nothing for five seconds, even through my hands, I open my eyes fully and Sora stares back at me, blinking. The blue in his eyes is notably duller and the hole in his chest stands out like a beacon. It's when I fully take in his glum expression that I remember what all this was for in the first place.

Crap. "Ah, sorry about that. Looks like I freaked out again." I cover the mistake with a smirk, trying to give my voice an edge. But when I blink and a single tear falls from my face I sigh and let my voice assume the deadbeat tone that it's had every since I (well, Sora technically if we're referring mainly to the body) fell asleep. "Yeah . . . "

Sora sighed and looked away. He looks both pained and frustrated. "That was the third time."

"Yep." I roughly wipe my face, erasing any evidence of moisture. "I told you the whole 'show-me-memories' thing wasn't going to work. Let's just face it, I'm destined to become an empty shell."

"Roxas . . . " His face morphs in that horrible way that lets me know he's feeling guilty.

"Shut it." I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes. "Look, you told me once that you were _dying_. If you're really in danger than I don't care about seeing my memories. I don't care about sustaining who I am, what my personality is. It doesn't matter."

From the angry way Sora's eyebrows point downwards I know he's regretting spilling that little insider info. "That's not true," he mutters.

"I need to move on, Sora. I. Can't. Keep. Doing. This." I sigh, and turn away from him. "Axel and Xion are _dead_. The faster I accept it the faster things can move on."

"You're giving up," he says.

"You damn right I am." I narrow my eyes towards him, letting my hands drop to my sides. "Sora . . . I honestly think it's time for us to switch."

"What?"

"You heard me. Take your body back. I don't want it. I'm done." I raise a single eyebrow. "Got it now? Do I have to spell it out for you? Take your freakin' life back!" I scream the last part as loud as I can.

Sora is shaking violently now, like he's about to have a seizure. "I can't."

If I could kick over a table I would. Seriously. There's a reason man invented furniture. Sure, it's nice to lay your ass on but I think there are many side functions that most people neglect . . . like the need to kick everything down for example. Since there's nothing here for me to violently assault, I'm left with a guy with a hole in his chest. I stomp over to him, jabbing him directly above the hole with my index finger. "You better take your body, Sora," I growl. "I'm not playing."

Sora blinks once, shaking but not at all disturbed by my closeness. "This is about Axel, isn't it? You're mad because I watched you lose it over and over again. You hate it when I see you cry. It makes you sick."

He had to play that card. What a low blow. It's just twisted and stupid because he's probably right. Partly (it happens when the creep can read my mind after all). Well, now he'll receive the pleasure of seeing me when I'm truly pissed. "This has nothing to do with that bastard," I say in a deadly tone.

"You miss him. It hurts you to even say his name. You can't even say it now," Sora counters.

I feel myself smile, and it isn't a pretty one. "You seriously better drop it."

"No. I won't let you hide your feelings. I won't let you dismiss something this special to you." Sora crosses his arms now. "These memories are all you have of your old life. There were many _good_ times, Roxas. In life we need to remind ourselves of what's good, of what was right. It's about hope."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care!" I grab his shoulders and start shaking him. "None of that matters! None of it!"

"Why the hell does it not?!"

I shudder and step back, using every bit of my will power so that I don't punch him in the face. "For you. This was all for you! Their deaths, Namine getting captured, your best friend's agony . . . all of that to keep you alive! What are memories in comparison to _your_ life?" I point to myself, keeping my voice steady and strong. "I made the choice. I decided to willingly let myself disappear to make sure you still exist. Do you think I didn't know what that meant?! I was prepared to let it all go a long time ago! This isn't just about me, this is about what everyone wants! Everyone _needs_ you to be alive, I need you to be alive! So I don't care about the memories!"

It's a miracle that I'm able to say that in almost one breath, but I have my limits. It takes a good two minutes for me to get my breathing in check, but it was worth it. Or at least, I think so until I look back up into Sora's eyes.

He blinks very slowly then his mouth pulls up into a wide, unnatural-looking smile. A slow, giggling sound builds up from his throat before he starts laughing. "My life . . . what everyone needs . . . " He snickers and wipes away at tears. "What everyone else deems is necessary. What the worlds need, right?" His eyes search my face again and I flinch.

His eyes are still blue, but his pupils are bigger, so big that they almost fill up the colored part of his eyes. Deep, obscure holes staring at me. I start to back away but Sora grabs at me, nails roughly digging into my shoulders. I don't make a sound as he leans in, not even blinking now, which allows me to see how strange his eyes are up close. They're completely bloodshot, and I watch the enlarged, swollen pupil throb in his eyes. I swallow a pit of saliva. "Sora?"

"Shut up, Roxy," he says smoothly while smirking. But that's not his voice. It's Axel's.

I think I'm going to be sick. I close my eyes. "You can't call me that," I say, but my voice barely comes out as a whisper.

"Oh, but that's the problem, Roxy." The inclination, even the way he mockingly says it is the same. "I just did."

"Well stop," I grumble.

"Why not? You like his voice, don't you?"

"No."

"But he's your _best_ friend." His chuckles are cynical, but lively. Oh god, if I didn't open my eyes it would be just as if Axel were holding me and-

NO! "Shut up!" I open my eyes wide, letting the acid tears run down my cheeks in streams.

Sora just smiles and then he wipes away the tears. I watch as his pupils shrink somewhat, but they're still not quite normal. When he speaks it's his own voice. "Do I have your attention now?"

Hell. All I do is nod once.

"Good." He takes one hand off my shoulder and rubs his forehead and I watch his facial expression turn from mocking to exhausted. "It's sort of hard for me to pull him off. Sheesh, he's so weird."

I remain silent. He just shrugs, releasing me completely. "Look, I'm not trying to dismiss your opinion or anything. But I noticed one thing you left out of your explanation." He points to himself. "Sure, it's my life, my life the way everyone else demands it. In the state everyone else sees fit, as far as being healthy and all."

I still don't say anything so he just takes that as a cue to continue. "Roxas, look, this may seem like a foreign concept to you, but . . . well, you're my friend now. So . . . " He shrugs. "You're connected to my heart, I'll always owe you. This isn't just about memories, this isn't about how scary Axel's voice is." I flinch at that but he ignores me. "This is about your life, who you are as a person, and it's about what I want. You made your choice, and now I'm making mine."

"Which is what?" I say. I sound horrible too, like my throat's been through a shredder (putting it mildly).

Sora sighs, giving me the most serious expression I've ever seen in a long time. "I'm not letting you die, simple as that. I _care_ about your memories, I care about how you feel about Axel and Xion, I care about _your_ life."

"I don't have a life, Sora," I mumble.

"But you will."

"And you'll do whatever you deem necessary, even torturing yourself, to make this happen?" I ask.

"Yep." Sora shrugs. "Hey, it's the least I can do for a guy who was willing to commit suicide for me." He jabs a single finger at my chest, where my heart should be. "I'm never going to forget that, Roxas. Ever. You're going to _live_."

I close my eyes. "Sora . . . I'm . . . this isn't . . . " I bite hard into my bottom lip.

"No, Roxas, you are worth it. I just can't imagine living when I know someone had to purposefully plunge themselves into nothingness. You deserve this. I know you don't see it yet . . . but I do."

I close my eyes, clenching my fists slightly. I feel the air around me pull and push, making my hair flop every which way. When I open my eyes I'm back on the bed in Sora's body, arms flung mercilessly in odd directions over the edge. I blink once before sitting up, staring at my rustic knees and the green stains on my pants.

Ugh . . . I smell like nature. I wrinkle my nose before lifting my head back, staring at the ceiling. Just . . . what am I supposed to say to an outburst like that? How can you argue with a guy who says he's doing everything in his power to protect your life?

**You don't.**

Wha?

**You don't argue I mean. **

Oh. Right . . .

**Did that . . . actually bother you?**

What? Sora, I'm not really in the mood for questions, but if you're going to ask them you might as well be specific.

**You know what I mean, though. I . . . hurt you.**

Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately. I don't know what to say this time though. I don't get you right now and I don't want to. Could you just leave me alone? Just . . . don't talk. At all.

**Sorry, but I forgot to give you something.**

Sora . . .

**You know, the message? The thing I was trying to pass onto you earlier?**

Oh that.

**Yeah . . . **

Well? What is it?

**Ah . . . well, it's a letter. It's specifically addressed to you. Um . . . I didn't read it either if that's what you're thinking.**

A letter? How in the world would you get a letter in there?

**I don't know! I just got it! Ugh . . . **

And . . . do you even know how to give it to me?

**Yeah . . . but you won't like it. It involves the mirror-**

Hell. No. We already went over this. Third time is not the charm in this scenario. You screw me once, that's your fault. You screw me twice, that's all on me.

**So . . . **

No.

**Right. Then I don't know what to do.**

You could shut up. I'd really appreciate that. Seriously. That would make me really happy right now.

**Sorry to disappoint you, but until I figure this out I'm going to keep talking because I talk while I think. It's a habit I guess . . . you sort of do it to.**

This is such a horrible way to wake up.

**Dang . . . I guess I have no choice . . . **

Horrible, horrible way to wake up. Just horrible . . .

**Can't believe I'm doing this again. This is going to hurt . . . **

Wait, what? Okay, I'm listening now.

**That's not very nice.**

It will probably cheer me up, honest.

**Hearing me scream bloody murder is going to be fun for you?**

Depends. If you're doing it for a stupid reason then yeah, it will.

**Right . . . I'd tell you to cover your ears, but this is all in your head so you can't. I hope you enjoy it then.**

I'll try.

**. . .**

Hmmmmm . . . I don't hear any screaming.

**I'm meditating.**

Meditating? You're stalling!

**You would be too if you were willing going to place your hands on a stove . . . or something. You know, while it's still hot and all . . .**

How in the world would anything hurt you that bad if you're just trying to hand me a letter? And why didn't you give it to me while I was up in there with you?

**Cause I forgot. It happens.**

You're an idiot.

**Yeah . . . **

And you're still stalling.

**You're actually being serious right now, you really want to see me get hurt.**

Does that make you upset? This is the person you're going to save, remember? Have any doubts yet?

**Now you're just saying nonsense. I've never met anyone who . . . had such a great desire for their life to end.**

When your life sucks it happens.

**Right.**

Can I get the letter now?

**I'm . . . trying . . . ngh . . . ugh! It's hotter than before!**

Wait . . . is the letter actually burning you? What kind of paper is it?!

**I'm trying . . . to concentrate . . . could . . . you just . . . aw, dammit!**

What?

**Urgh . . . okay, I have it . . . **

Good! Okay . . . uh . . . crap, what do I do?

**I DON'T KNOW!**

OW! Dang . . . that killed an eardrum . . . oh . . .

**Could you just stand in front of the freakin' mirror?!**

NO! A million times no!

**Oh . . . I hate you so much right now . . . uhn . . . **

Sora . . . ah man, my arms are getting hotter! Gah! What are you doing?!

**It's not me, it's the letter!**

Crap! My skin is melting off! Holy sh-

**What, did you think I was lying or something?! Of course it's freakin' melting! IT'S BURNING!**

Okay, okay, I get it! Sheesh . . . I'm going to the mirror.

**Thank the heavens! Could you move any faster?!**

Shut up!

**Roxas, this is hurting . . . like really bad!**

I get it, it's hurting me too now! Now stop talking! I can barely walk with you screaming in my head you know!

**Oh . . . **

Dude, you're a guy! Stop crying!

**I'm not, you're crying!**

Am not!

**Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh!**

I'm here! I'm in front of the mirror! Now give it!

**Okay! Just stand there and don't move! At all! Not an inch! Not a single little twitch of movement!**

Quit commanding and give me the damn thing! We're burning while you waste time doing that, you know?! Give it!

**SHUT UP!**

Quit stealing my lines!

**Quit saying such predictable stuff!**

You're just so . . . you're just so . . .

**Roxas, I know, okay?! I know . . . I'm horrible. I'm selfish and . . . horrible.**

Sora . . .

**Take it.**

I blink once as he pushes the letter towards me from inside the mirror. His eyes are shut tightly, tears falling freely while his hands shake. From the tips of his fingers to his elbows is charred flesh, sizzling with red welts and pink skin. I then close my eyes and grab the piece of paper as fast as I can.

Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt. I gasp and stare closely at the parchment, unfolding it so that I can read it. The paper is warm in my hands and even before I see the words I feel my lips pull up into a smile. My eyes skim over the letter . . . and then I tilt my head, rereading it. I frown.

I reread it five times, face frozen in a look of incredulity. I feel Sora scuffling around in my head, impatient energy channeling down from him to me, which makes me anxious.

Sora, knock it off!

**Well? Are you going to share what it says?**

Hmmm . . . I don't get it. Who sent this to you?

**I don't know, it just appeared. **

All it says . . . it says _You Exist_. What the heck?

**You . . . exist . . .**

Yeah . . . the handwriting . . . I feel like I know this person . . .

**You exist.**

Yep. Weird . . .

**Roxas . . . it's a sign! This means that I was right! **

What?!

**You _exist_! Your life is special, it is important! That person agrees with me, they want you to keep existing!**

Should have known you would twist it to fit your perspective. This doesn't change anything. I still think you should just let me go. It . . . it would be so much easier.

**Giving up is always easier. **

Right . . .

I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I don't know how long I can do this. It's wrong.

**Since when did you start feeling guilty about this? Yen Sid isn't going to tell anyone.**

It's going to come out. I'm not . . . I'm not _you_, Sora.

**Right . . . and that's the whole point.**

I close my eyes and let that sink in. Then I push myself out of the bed and head towards the bathroom. It feels like I'm on autopilot, I watch my hands work over the bathtub, squirting various soaps into the water as it rises and expands. When the foam nearly starts to overflow the tub I slowly strip, watching apathetically as my dirty pants fall of my legs in a sluggish lump. I peel my shirt off then slowly enter the bathtub, sitting back and letting my head touch the wall.

_**Sheesh, could you actually work to **_**move**_** your body a little?**_

I don't feel like it. What, got a problem with that? If I have to stay here at least give me the right to be lazy when I want to.

_**Being lazy can get you killed, you know.**_

Your concern is nothing short of amazing. Thanks.

_**Hmmm . . . you're more . . . passive than I imagined.**_

Huh? What do you mean?

_**Nothing. Nothing at all . . . **_

Sora . . . your voice sounds a little different . . .

**_Seriously? I never noticed. Well, I'm a lot less whiny than that turd. It's a waste of energy making your voice sound higher anyway._**

. . . you're not Sora, are you?

**_Ah, you caught it. Well, that was faster than I expected. Nice._**

**_Ahem, no I'm not. Feel free to call me that though. Not much of a difference between us really._**

I see. What did you do with the _real_ Sora?

**_Wow, you know how to make a guy feel special. Heh . . . I don't know where your little friend is. You guys seemed to be having a tense moment there. I heard you wanted to meet me face to face . . . well, we can't actually cause you're not in front of the mirror, so this will have to do._**

I already saw what you look like.

**_Yeah, but I was locked up then. Not the best first impression, right? Ha ha!_**

**_Sheesh, where are my manners. Hello, Roxas. My name is Anti-Sora and it is very nice to meet you._**

Anti-Sora? Heh, nice name.

_**Yeah, I didn't pick it. But, you know, nothing really left for you to choose when you started out as **_**no****thing**_** in the beginning. You know what I mean?**_

Am I supposed to say yes here?

**_No, you don't. I can tell when you're lying though so it really doesn't matter._**

Right.

Well, I'd say it's a pleasure meeting you but I honestly don't care.

_**Of course you don't. You're ready to jump ship and run, eh? Well, this is the moment you've been dying for. Go ahead and sleep. I'll take control of the body and you'll instantly start to disappear once you go back up into the Mental Spot, as I like to call it.**_

You're serious?

_**Yeah. **_

Tempting, but I don't trust you.

**_Naturally. Seriously though, do you think anyone here trusts . . . anyone? I mean, Sora obviously doesn't trust you. He knew about the stupid letter, he just didn't want you to make yourself disappear. That whole burning scenario earlier didn't have to happen. He's the one who pushed you out early. _**

I figured.

**_See? That's why you're the smart one._**

You do know that you're not winning any points here, right?

**_Just saying. Don't flatter yourself, this isn't meant to feed your precious ego. I'm just showing you that I'm trustworthy. Has anything I said been wrong so far?_**

Trustworthy? That made me laugh.

Ahem, on a random note I'd appreciate it if you stopped washing my . . . Sora's body.

**_What? You were the one who said you wanted to be lazy. If you're not going to use your own limbs then I'm going to do something. I don't like the smell of nature, thank you very much._**

I can wash myself.

**_You mean you can wash Sora, right? Wow, this is confusing. How in the world are you supposed to say anything up here? I mean, I'm in the brain . . . ergh conscious . . . wherever I am that allows you to hear me in your head . . . no his head . . ._**

**_Ugh, this is giving me a headache!_**

This is Sora's body, you're in his head, I'm the conscious and the main one in control of the voluntary parts of the body . . . um . . .

**_That didn't make any sense._**

Hey, you're the one who has a problem with it.

**_Hehn . . . sheesh, you really are gloomy today. I sort of thought you would cuss me out or something._**

Okay, that's insulting. I'll admit I lost it a little earlier, but my temper isn't _that_ bad!

**_I don't care, I just want to see you angry. Furious people excite me . . . call it a fix if you will. I like seeing what happens after all that unfocused energy escapes. Pure, raw reactions . . . there's nothing like it._**

You're a talkative one, huh?

_**My name is Anti-SORA. What did you expect? I'm Sora without the whining.**_

Not to mention a darker sense of humor.

**_Hmmm, I don't consider myself humorous. I don't like telling jokes._**

Try me.

_**Seriously?**_

Why not? If you're not going to leave you might as well do something useful.

_**Man . . . depression is hitting you hard. You sound like a cynical forty-year old.**_

. . . that wasn't funny.

**_That wasn't the joke. Ugh . . . alright, hold on a moment._**

Right.

**_Do you mind if this involves kids?_**

I don't know.

**_Okay, well once there was this guy who had a lobotomy. The procedure should have killed him, but it didn't, and then a kid showed up with an ax-_**

Okay, I've heard enough.

**_Hah . . . you don't follow things through. I see, I see._**

Pfft, as if you knew . . .

**_Well, you didn't follow through with disappearing, and now you're about 75% decided on not existing for Sora and whoever sent you that letter. Yeah, you have a history of not sticking to stuff. Don't be ashamed, just accept that part of yourself._**

First of all, Sora was the one who kept me from disappearing the first time. I was forced into this so if I choose not to do something it's not like I'm backing out on anything.

**_Right. Defensive much?_**

Yeah, maybe a little. Also, if you think that this has distracted me at all in concerns to letting you take full control you have another thing coming.

**_Wow, you're not even warming up to me a little? _**

No. And if you lay a finger on Sora I _will_ find a way to get up there and kick your ass. Got that? Are we done here?

**_Yeah, I just want to say one more thing._**

Right. Go ahead.

**_Ha ha, I like you. Seriously, this . . . actually may hurt me a little, telling you this. _**

I'm an impatient person. Please, do not start stalling. I'm _really_ not in the mood.

**_That anger is crawling back, eh? Instinctive habits and subtle impulses . . . you really are something. I'm not trying to stall. I want to take this moment and memorize everything._**

**_Your facial expression, how wide your eyes are open, the way the hair is standing up on your back . . . all breathtakingly beautiful reactions . . ._**

You're making half of that stuff up.

**_Am I? Feel for yourself._**

No. Now hurry up and say what you need to say.

**_Sure._**

Okay.

_**Ahem . . . **_

_**Roxas?**_

Yeah?

**_Xion misses you._**

End of Journal Entry 9

* * *

**Everything just gets longer and longer. My recent update for Don't Be a Gentleman was over 6K, now this is over 6K. Sheesh . . . **

**Well, that just means more content for you guys! I hope you all enjoyed this. Thanks as always for the support and reading up to this point! Until next time!**

**Justice T.**


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